So many things happening

So many things happened to me. I really don't know what to do or what should I do anymore. Some are already in the past but some is still ongoing. Something is wrong with me. I don't know why thoughts and temper keep changing. It seems bad. Is like i want something but yet i don't want something. Anyway just confused.

Went to watch the Korean Breakout Dance comedy at th esplanade. Its beyond any words of praise i can say. The music, the breakdancing, popping, beatboxing, hiphop, sound and visual effects and so on....the entire concert was worth watching. Mi screamming and clapping with some entu ppl around but i think the ppl on my side all quite shy and must be thinking i'm crazy but they deserve my cheers for that performance. Too bad ah girl not there to watch...he will love it.

Went back for class already stress, then i saw ppl that were suppose to grad came back to attend class and they said this subject 1/2 the cohort failed. Wahhhhh....additional stress sia. Just hope that everything will move on smoothly.

The recent animes that i watch all ended with sad endings and i cried. Why all sad endings? Really wanna see ppl happy even though they are just imaginary.

Class Starts and confused

Attended class today but everyone seem to still be in holiday mood. I somehow have no impressions on the previous lesson. Only one week and my memory is failing mi. Haiz.

Things that needs to remember, i'll tend to forget. As for things i should not remember or think of, it lingers in the mind. Human mind is just so questionable.

Its so easy to fall in love but yet so hard to maintain it well. Its not like machineries or buildings where there is a systematic approach, love is so much complicated or am i making it complicated. I don't know. I have my fears and time to time it triggers. Sometimes it even gets out of control where i feel like dying and ending all. I keep asking myself, will i be able to live to see the 2nd arrival of lord jesus christ. How would it be like.

New Creation church

One day, one guy asked this question:

"Why did God made women so beautiful and yet so stupid?"

His wife heard it and said, I know the answer,

"God made us beautiful so that YOU will marry me and God made me stupid so that i will marry YOU."

Stand up and position yourself lke a cross. People often look southwards, eastwards, westwards. All the things that are surrounding us, but what we should actually do is look northwards; look up, to God and recieve his blesings.

People often say, to catch a man, u have to catch him by the stomach, but what if the women is not a very good cook (for example me)? Well not to worry. There is one other secret weapon and that is to RESPECT ur partner. During conversations, bring it to a tone where it is not demanding but negotiable.

Do unto people on what you want people to do upon you. You need to respect others before people can respect you. - Elaine's motto

Losing my self concious

I feel so lost, so emotional, so negative. I don't know whats happening to mi. I feel like crying, screaming and even dying. Its so terrible. I don't know who i am anymore nor what i really want. I don't want to turn my back on the lord. All in my mind now is to take medication. So many times i over dosage myself a little but nothing happens. Over dosage of medication seems to be a rather nicer and beautiful way to die compared to the others but i don't want to be a lost spirit after i die or judged and sentenance to the pit of hell. I just wish and pray for the 2nd revelation to arrive and that i may be there to see it.

Sob Sob

2nd day of CNY and i got sick. Diarrhea in total around 15 times within 2 days. Had to go for a jab and take medication. Total no strength and miss out on so many new year goodies and fav food plus outings.

Do not know why but recently i just feel that the mood swings come and goes so often. What went wrong or what is going on with me. I am trying to control but it ain't easy. I really want to change for the better.

In addition, i just recieved my Sem 1 results. Kinda dissapointed. I was so confident and so hoping that by scoring well for the first sem can help to balance up the future sem which are getting more difficult to score. All i know is that i tried my very best and still for both subject, i only managed to score a "B". Now i fear so much for my Sem 2 results of which i do not have much confident. I just want to graduate and find a job according to my interest and have a good ncome to help upport my family. (T.T)

Shock and tired

Today i don't know why but i feel so tired. So restless. When i woke up, i saw one black things hopping across the ouside of my parents bedroom. Kuromi actually manage to climb out of the tank and expierence freedom for that little while.

Brought grandma to TTSH for her medical check-up and also clara cause no one send her to sch so she had a day off from sch. She seems weird cause she is less hyperactive but still likes to laugh out loud and giggle alot. Too loud for the hospital. Haha, so funny. After that went for lunch and head home to rest.

Took kuromi out and let her roam around the house and chelsea also. They seem fine in the beginning but suddenly chelsea was chasing kuromi around and kuromi actually can run faster then chelsea. Amazing. Kuromi then desided to hide in a small corner where Chelsea can't reach her. So smart of her. I immediately ran after them and took Kuromi into my arms and chase Chelsea back to the kitchen. I calm Kuromi by letting her lay in my arms and she lick my arms. So adorable. I will never let hem be together ever again. For safety reasons. Chelsea really gets jealous easily. Haha.

Busy weeks ahead. Haiz...pray for a smooth journey.

New Creation church

Went to new creation church today with deroy and his friends. The service is so much difference from a catholic service. After the service, i decided to go to the prayer room and seek help. I felt fear and uneasy...gradually i opened up and talked but cried and cried till pastor Darren have to come in to preach for me. The lady who talked and prayed fo me before pastor darren, i liked her....not in that kind of light, she let me cry in her arms and i felt so loved and comfortable. Thank you so much.

Today, D3 look so different. Though his clothing fashion has a little problem but most importantly is his character. Seriously someone needs to be with himwhen he goes shopping. It seems so hard for him to come with a decision...haha be it food or things.

So sorry D3, don't know why but recently am starting to have major mood swings that i don't know where or why i react this way. I really didn't mean it. You are precious and all worthwhile in my heart. Thank you for giving in to me, enduring mi, understanding me an trying to say lame jokes to cheer me up..and when i say lame, its really LAME and COLD (>.<) Still i love you. Try to train up ok. No needto be like 2003-04 that year but at least something that make you look strong and healthy. I may not be able to adapt to your lifestyle but i will try my very best.

Can i don't be the woman behind a successful mn's back but the women beside the sucessful man. Please do things with consideratios for the future k. Let go, let GOD, recieve Jesus but still work for the prosperous future u seek. For all your loved ones. Most importantly, mst remember to communicate with us k. Communication is the to solutions.

Today also managed to take a photo with Carebe (he is so adorable), he is always so fierce but never attaks and i got snap again by Bebe, they still don'treally know me but they treat some family membes also the same with growls and flashing their sharp teeth. Ifnot they just simple ignore you. Next time sure take more photos with them.