HAN Bites

Thank you so much Han for taking time to accompany me out today. Hearing your voice was a real comfort for me and really calmed my mind heart and soul down. Really had a great time shopping, talking about crazy and stupid stupid stuffs.....( really look forward to the day you get married....cross dress PARTY man....wooh hooo!!!!!)chatting about past in poly, FOC, FOW, Spydra and all.

The crying part i will never forget....when the results were out. The emotions were just so overwhelming.....but none the less Spydra Rockz!!!!!

I really miss those days. Kinda fun even though was tiring.Everything was worth while for the camp. I will always remeber you after u took ur bath and started running around bitting ppl espically at the canteen on my left shoulder. It hurt so muuch that till today i still remember....haha wat a good way to remember you.....bitting HAN.....I think its so wasted that you are not a vampire...haha then u can go around bitting ppl leagally.

Hope to see you soon through ur busy schedule...^^,..Next time must take photos k....cheers

Thoughts

I have been thinking what if the day come that i was involve in an accident, maybe thats the days i can rest and get release from suffering but for the current 2 days, I have only seen car accidents along the road (luckily only just the dent in the car no one was injuried) and it didn't happen to me no matter how reckless the driver was. Maybe its a sign from god that it not my time yet?

Sick Day

Haiz another sick and boring day....medication and more medication....so many things in my mind till i don't know which to think about. Yes try not to think too much, but easier said then done. I really trying my best but i guess it isn't enough.

No inspiration in doing my project...(I'm like those writers...if i have the inspiration i will stay in front of my com and do my project and dun eat or slep one..like in comics..haha)

I feel so emotionless...guess been hurt so many times and after all that i have gone through, i really give up and hold no hopes le. Sometimes i feel that dying can slve everything but thinking of the consequences its not worth it. I must wait till the day god decides to bring me home to him. He was my creator and i have no right to destroy his creations. I can't save the world but at least myself i guess. Plus i will hurt the ppl around me. I really don't know. It seems that i', getting worst but i dun want to tell my mum cause i don't want her to worry. Sometimes when she worry she express it in forms of anger and she even slap me for saying i wanted to die. I guess i deserve it. I dun blame her though.

Life is just so miserable. I no longer fear death but i fear the living the environment the ppl in this world around me. Such horror.

Thank You...But Please give me time

Thank you for inviting me to watch High School Musical 3 (Very nice and touching way way better then High Sch Musical 2) and my belated birthday present (Kuromi stuffs and shinhwa collabration mv disc) plus trying to cheer me up.

Please give me time cause I don't think my mind and heart is ready for a relationship right now. I hope you can understand. My heart in on a healing process now....

I couldn't have gone though it w/o you guys

Never Regret

Nothing

I am but a body without a soul, with a heart that have been stab and a fear that is chasing me. I just want to be alone. Please just leave me alone. I don't care whether to recover or not, i dun care where i end up in, i don't care if i have to eat medication all the time. I really don't care. Please just leave me alone. I can't take it anymore. No More.

All I Need...

All i need is for someone to hug me from behind and tell me he love me

All i need is him to be there for me when i needed him the most

All i need is his trust and patience

All i need is him to be sociable and happy

All i need is his comfort and shoulder to lie or cry on

All i need is him to be faithful and truthful to me

All i need is to be loved and to love

But of course must be financially stable

Most importantly I must have feelings for him

It takes 2 hands to clap in a relationship

Is that so difficult?

Fear

My fear for "you" have not faded

"You" destroyed my life

Whenever I see "you"

I fear

The memories just grip on to me

I fear that it will get control of my emotions

If "you" ever come and hurt me again

I swear i will make "you" regret what you ever did

Please just leave me and mum alone

I don't want to see "you"
I don't want to dream and fear "you"

Please just get out of out life

Don't destroy our lives

Like "you" did to yourself

Mind and Heart

My mind is telling me something

But i don't know will it be true

My Heart is telling me something

But i don't know which to follow

Send me a sign

Tell me wat should I do.

Alone

I just want to be alone

I want to rely on myself

I don't need guys

I can survive on my own

I want peace and quiet

Without pain and sorrow

My heart is crying

Yelling out with no sounds

No emotions

No feelings

No thoughts

No hope

No wishes

No pain

No tears

Just me and myself

Who Can I Trust?

Girls

They are nice and sweet infront of you

At your back

They backstab you

They Gossip about you

Guys

They say things that are not true

They make promises that cannot be done

They lie and be unfaithful behind your back

I can't even trust myself...then who can i trust?

Dreams

It seemed so real the dreams that i had

But its weird, it has been a long time

since i had a dream

I never remember a dream

I never even dream after medication

But y yesterday

It was a painful and helpless dream.

Words

You have not even know me for long
You try to make me smile when i am down
You say you love me
You say you want me to be your gf
You say you will never let me cry again
You say you will protect me
You won't be like my past
You know my heart is with someone else
You ask me to give you a chance
Though broken
But I'm still not ready to be in another relationship just yet
I need to sort out my feeling
My emotions
Please give me time

Thank you

Finally you decided to tell me the truth
Thank you
I truely understand everything now
I will learn to accept and back out
No need to feel bad about it
It's your life
It needs 2 hands to clap in a relationship
Thank you.

Feelings and Mood

Crying my heart out

Not knowing what to do

Just don't want ppl to be affected by me

Just want everyone to be happy

I don't want to be afected by my feelings

Listening to Duffy's Rockferry album

It so relates to my heart's feelings

Don't ask me to be your gf

Cause you don't want me to be sad

You don't want me to be hurt

Cause you know my heart is still with someone

I do not want to hurt you

We'll just let time tell

Thank you for being there for me

I'm so sorry to have drag you into my problems

I know you have your problems on your own

But i feel that i just need to hear you voice

To be crying out in your arms like at suntec

I felt so much comfort

You were always there for me

I do not know how i can thank you enough

Thank You all for the presents....I love them all

Birthday Gifts

Red Packets
MuMu Ya Menbership card
Kuromi : Table Mat
Pen
Pencil
Eraser
Clips
Ez-link cover
Pouch
T-shirt
Coin Box + Puzzles
Hand Made Card + Location Card
Card Holder
Foldable Chair
Door Hanger
Monitor and Keyboard Cover
Individual Chop
Chop Set in a Box
NDS pouch
T-shirt Design Container
Coin Pouch
Fabric Jewelery Box with Music
Zip Pouch
Soft Toy (Crown Edition)
Note Book
Pen
6 packs of condoms....Diaoz.....
Morgan Watch
Girls Night Out Card Game
Puma Jacket
Anna Sui - Night of Fancy Perfume
Chip and Dale Soft Toy + Sweet
Me to You Bear Birthday Card
Escada Sentiment Perfume
Paris Bijoux HP Strap - crystals, key and lock
Grey Handbag - Pan Belle
Handmade Card + Turning wishes
Music Box - Mozart zauberflote)
Guess Handbag
Handmade Anime Birthday Card
Schedule Book
Helen : Necklace
Bracelet
Earring
Blue Crystal Hair Clip
Cinnamoroll Jewelery Music Box
Pink Ballet Jewelery Music Box + Card
Precious Moment October Baby Figurine + Card
Lancome Lip Shine
Fake Eye Lashes (re-usable)
Body Shop - Pink Grapefruit Body Scrub
Green Stripped Shirt Dress
Printed (Happy Birthday) roses and some specially spray painted Blue

Most Importantly Well wishes from All of U!!!!

Sorry If I didn't entertain you well on my birthday...very sorry

I was so excited that i didn't sleep on the day before the chalet so i was still a bit blur blur.....seriously i even lost my way to the chalet thats y ppl have to bring me around.

As for the chalet details, there was a change in the chalet names therfore ppl got mistaken on the place...so sorry about that...it happens to me too....as for the change in room, it was only during the registration then i knew the exact room cause there was a maintenance prob with the actual room then they last minute change the room for us.

For the celebration, if i didn't entertain you wll enough...i deeply apologize....there were too many ppl and different groups of you, kinda hard for me to entertain all on my own...that y you see i didn't wear any shoes cause gotta run all around in and out. Hope you guys can understand.

I would also like to take this opportunity to thank everyone for helping me in the chalet entertaining each other, dee and Xavier for the eye makeup and lashes.....michie for going with me early in the morning for the PM event.....that you everyone for taking time to come to my birthday and celebrating this special day with me. Thank you.

So So excited...

I can't wait for tomorrows Precious Moment event when i get get my dream event piece and see what other beautiful stuffs to buy.....so excited then i am going to celebrate my 21st birthday tomorrow....(even though the actual day s on the 21st Oct...haha)...imagine 21 on the 21st Oct(10) in chinese is my name....it will be so memorable

I wonder 18 oct is so lucky? It seems like there are alot of ppl celebrating birthdays on that day and weddings haha...well really hope everything goes well tomorrow....(Praying and hopeful).

Seriously Shocked

Mum actually bought me the kuromi tube sweet from a Jap store she pass by...o.O...Haha... So happy.......Really keen on my coming birthday this Sat.....The kuromi ban.....quick quick...hehe

Photo to be posted soon...

Horror....

When chelsea was young, i place chip on my hand and she sniffs him but yestersay I took Mao Mao out and she came over sniff and link MAo Mao. Thinks its friendly...NO......it ends in horror... she used her mouth to take him away fro my hand and i scream at her to drop him and she did. I immediately grab Mao Mao in my hands. Mao mao was totally freaked out. Imagine it sia.

It was either she thought it or she thought she was one of her treat...or basically just jealous of me giving attention to him. I will never ever let them near again. My poor mao mao.

Bad Chelsea.

Delayed Devotion

It seems you wanna give me

Oh, a life time of security

Down on your dying knees

I watch you, babe, I watch you plead

But your words come much too late

My love for you has turned to hate

Cause you've taken too much time

To show me that you're mine

[Chorus]

When I drop you boy

You'll need another toy

One that won't stand up for herself

When I knock you down

You'll need another town

Where somebody's gonna talk to you

You just let me wait

Now it's too late

For your delayed, delayed devotion

You try to convince me

Oh, about the possibilities

But I know that all your poetry

Just comes from insecurity

Cause your actions speak nothing no more

When it's what I've been waiting for

Cause you've taken too much time

To show me that you're mine

[Chorus]

You played me for a fool for too long

Blinded by your lies

I never saw your all I'm no longer under your spell

Hear it in a song

You can go to Hell

[Chorus]

Breaking My Own Heart

I rushed right in

Just like a fool

So struck down by you

I didn't know what to do

I started on

Breaking my own heart

Breaking my own heart

Breaking my own heart

Yeah

I started on

Breaking my own heart

Breaking my own heart

Yeah, I was frozen

By the painI tried

To reach out to you

But I felt so ashamed

So, I kept on

Breaking my own heart

Breaking my own heart

Breaking my own heart

I kept on

Breaking my own heart

Breaking my own heart

Save me

Somebody save me

From this misery

Love is killing me

Please save me

I need saving

Won't somebody save me

From this misery

Love is killing me

Ooo, save me

I hung on

To every word you say

In search of a sign boy

You felt the same way

But it was only me

Breaking my own heart

Breaking my own heart

Breaking my own heart

If I keep on

Breaking my own heart

Breaking my own heart

Save me

Won't somebody save me

From this misery

Love is killing me

Save me

I need saving

Won't somebody save me

From this misery

Love is killing me

Ooo, save me

Ooh Save

I said "Save me"

From this misery

Love is killing me

Please save me

Mars Verse Venus

Guys think that girl is hard to understand

Gals think that guys are hard to understand

Gals giftsare easy to buy (just either too expensive or too many)

Guys gift are so hard to buy (unless you know what they want...as in they tell you)

Is communication really that bad between girls and gals?

One senerio,

A guy was invited to my coming birthday party

He keep insisting me to introduce my gal friends to him

I told him to see for himself which is suitable and go and make friends

If afraid can as me if she is attached or not then go ask her

He kept wanting me to send him photos of my friends (which of course i did NOT...I'm not crazy ok)

Everytime is this issue

I know my friends

They don't suit him in my opinion

I don't want anybody to be hurt or embrassed

I got a little pissed off and i said:

" My friend are there to party and celebrate my birthday not to look for boyfriends"

and he got angry

said bye and log off immediately.

WTH/F...I was just trying not to hurt him

The Heart in the Cage

An emotionless heart

No feelings

No smile

No hope

No desire

Lockdown in a box

Keys thrown away

Neverhope to be opened again

Thank You For Being There For Me So Many Years...

I remember the first time we met was wen i was in poly at CS to watch movie and you were so well dressed.... i got checked IC for watching Meet The Fockers....haha......

We talked and comforted each other when either of us were down and you will often drop a message or a call to show that you have not forgotten me. Many life changing moments have happen even since our last meeting at Taka. Hope to see you soon at my birthday. I like to take this chance to tank you for all you have done for me.

Gals out there, grab him....he is a super reat guy and sincere, romantic and loyal to the gf.......she will treat her like a princess.....seriously....Just learn to know him more and accept im for who he is and he will be your prince charming.

Happy 5th Birthday Tara...

Happy Birthday to you

Happy Birthday to you

Happy Birthday to Tara....

Happy Birthday to you..........

You are so smart and adorable. Wish you all the best in your coming years to come. *winks*

Taipei 101

Group Shot at the Airport before take off

Group Shot in 101 Building

Where do i belong?

Whenever I'm at home

I'm Scared

Whenever I'm outside

I'm alone

I get tired

But I never feel like going home

All I want is my music

My interests

When I'm at home

Sometimes I'm just too tired to go out

I just want to be alone

But I'm afraid of being alone

I just want a quiet home

A time where i want to speak i will

A time I don't I hate

Where Do I Belong?

The two Mao Mao in my life

1 that i am grateful to and really glad to have known him through all these years through my poly years. He had always been there for me when i have problems and willing to lend a listening ear. The only one who calls me E-Chan. We share the same interest in j pop music and so on.....He is really like my big bro who always look after me. Thank you. Nowadays we seldom meet cause he really busy with sch work and work.

Mao Mao Gambette!!!!

Another is my Cute timid and lazy Mao Mao. Always sleeping. When touch will have a big reaction. Till now don't know why he still like that. He is my long haired Goldern Syrian. When he runs on the wheel its so adorable. He is just supr cute and super adorable.

True Colours

I finally see your true colours
What you promised me
You Lied
You left me alone when i needed you most
You rejected me
You left me

You said a friend we will be
But yet you avoided me
Excuses and all
I have heard enough
You really don't desevere for me to feel hurt at all
You are my history
I never want it to be remembered

Chelsea

I love you chelsea..though,

You aiming for business is poor (or u did it for attention)

You destroy anything that i buy for you....even you bed and toys
You bite me and mum

Run round and round like a crazy dog

Growls at your toys when no one is snatching from you

Keep jumping on me and everyone

Crying when we don't call you when we reach home

Destroying all our clothes and all

Refusing to walk and want me to carry you all around

Hide behind me when u r scared

But still i love you...

When you just snuggle beside me to apologize me

Lick my feet and hands and kiss me on the face...(though it feels weird but i know it shows your feelings)

Joke of the Day...

Ok. I'm not going tell any jokes heres cause i am the joker ( Y so serious ?)...nah not that joker. Lame right....No idea why when i stepped into town area, I felt completely lost and helpless like someone in another country. Seriously and i have been to town only the last few days only......wats wrong with my brain.....

Anyway i swear i burted alot of stupid and funny stuffs out that i didn't mean. (The guy that look like Father Luke from our school church). I'm Sorry. Really i didn't mean it. Dee and michie please don't laugh anymore k....else will tummy ache....hahah...oh ya and at the shop...i seriously need to learn more term for the single thing...It bring's back memory from my poly taiwan trip though. So fun!! Even though i was home sick...and cried ...but still fun though..hehe


Michie cool wig you have and that face.....you know what i mean....

Dee remeber your cookie k.....


Wooah got my precious moments tickets and voucher...free gift....event figurine...and even get to buy my special tinkerbell figurine....Yesh....Can't wait for the day to come.......then will celebrate my birthday too....and finally break from the bound of ban from buying kuromi for 3 weeks...hahaha

kuromi banned for mi...sob sob

Can you believe it.......I was literally banned for 3 weeks from buying any kuromi stuffs. There are so many from sprees and shops. What an awful feeling. The temptation is just so much. So much to bear. Quick, quick pass the 3 weeks. Today is already the 2nd week but it seems so long. Ahhhhhhh........She is so cute and adorable.

My Favourite Quote...

There was a time when you loved,

There came a time where you hated.

There was a time when you felt you wanted to kill,

Now is the time for you to heal.

There was a time you were broken down,

Now is the time to build yourself up.

There was a time when you were at war in your being,

Now is the time to restore peace within.

(Extracted from the Bible)

I'm Tired

I am tired of everything.

I have lost hope in everything.

You destroyed my life.

You played with my feelings.

You took advantage of my love for you.

I want to hate you.

But I love you too much to hate you.

You say you don't know what to say to me.

You say you don't know how to face me.

You say you know how much I love u.

You tell me to be your friend.

I agreed and never disturb you about any issue.

You say you are tired of your life and issue.

Compared to you, my life should already have ended.

I am getting tired too.

I will just slowly back out of your life.

Slowly erase your memory of my existance.

You just think only about yourself.

Why should I love you.

Please tell me.

About Mi...

A complicated girl have lots for problems. Very emotional and naive. Going through depresion, anixety and mood disorder. Under medical control. Maybe because of all these that have been happening to me, I learn and grow up from it. I'm not mature enough though.

Childhood have not been good. Sexual molesting when i was young and came from an abusive family until my parents divorce. Maybe this is what i was meant to go through to truely understand life.

A good listener and advisor but just can't seem to help myself though. (Hmmm... i wonder y???)

Having great friends and family suporting me and i'm feeling glad. It is only through bad times where those that are there for u are true.

Love life sucks for me. I'm still waiting for my one true love that will love and take care of me. Support me when I;m down. Faithful and able to accept me for who I am.