Whats's wrong

Life

I simply give up already. I really feel like crying but it seems that i can't really cry much like before le. Have i grown and seen through things? I don't know. I know somehing is wrong with me. I am trying to change for the better but i need time. I also need to accept the truth and fact. Yes i do like attention but the right one, someone i can talk to when troubled and go out shoping with like "brothers" and "sisters", i know as time passes all will lose contact due to own personal life but for now, why not enjoy the chance of youth and fun.

Am i that bad to deserve all these? What did i do wrong. Too over friendly? Too direct? Too naive? Too talkive? Too ugly? Whats wrong. I see faults in myself but i am those that not by scolding then i will change but through talking. But sometimes its just my nature. I know this will bring my troubles but i just can't bear the consequences of hurting others. I try my very best but still it doesn't work. In the end i get scolded.

Why people think that i am rich and will come to me for financial problem. I myself already have problems with my own finance. My friends are there to support me by reminding me what i buy is wether a not or a need and i am practicing it.

Relationships are so much troubles. Having problems with friends, family and even conflicts within myself, i feel so out-casted. Sometimes death seems to be the solution but life is something to go through and learn. Since we have a chance to live, why not live it to its fullest. So i decided to live it according to what my life is suppose to be ba.

School

Currently quite stress with my school. I just simply lay too much expectation on myself. Everyone will say a pass will do but to me i have a dream iwant to achieve it. I want my parents to be proud when people ask about their daughter. But they don't really care about my thinking. All they want is a simple and healthy life. Yes understand that and i want that but in Singapore society without qualifactions it is difficult to achieve every dream.

World

The world seems to be ending soon, economic crisis, terrorism, political issues, global warming, so many people suffering and dying. Its sooner or later. I guess we should all cherish every single moment n life and not live in unnecessary pain and troubles.

Crybaby

Ha ha...after watching over how many times i will still cry at that very sceens and chapters...over like 8 years already..haha...guess i am very emotional when watching movies and shows i guess.Too engross in it. Reading a comic i can also cry...haiyo...can get scared till cannot sleep also...worst...too imaginative. Crying in the heart is ok but once, i watched anime and i actually cried and shouted him name not to die....DIAOZ right. But anyway i did lucky not in public so pai seh.

High School musical 3 i cry, horror movies which i was forced to watch and cry until i was seating on the cinema floor having a jacket over my head and hand on my ears and eyes shut, inspirational moves from hallmark r tv series i also cry....Funny right...Next time wanrt to ask me go movie better think about it...horror i will never watch...others....ermmmm...hard to say just prepare lor....might cry anytime

Coming to real life i couldn't cry for a period of time and i don't anymore, am i numb or just getting stronger.....I thought i couldn't cry anymore so i tried to watch the drama like It started with a kiss 2 and anime and surely the tears flow like watertap even though i can tell what will be the ending and whats going to happen next.

Will i cry again...who know *shruggs* we'll see!!!!!

Helen's Wedding

Finally the day have arrived. I have grown up together with you 2 for so long.....Congratulations helen and freddie!!!!!!! May your love last forever like what father said it is easy to love but maintaining the love is the hard part. We everone wish you guys the best.

Even though i did not have a good rest but i manage to pull through the whole thing. Flu cough giddy vomit headache gastric...but i had so much fun and happy that i feel its worth it.

I am also really impress that i could actually style my hair this way with no trying or practice. Manage a short hair to clip on extensions in less then 25 minutes.....makeup and all....very appy with the result.

Not only to couples, love to everyone is easy but to maintain it. We hav to take a step; make the effort.

Monday blues on a Tuesday

Haiz cannot handle my Pri 1 student. Rich kids are so hard to teach. She will only do homework in exchange of something from me.....pens....and are those expensive ones that i need for my schedule book to write those ultra fine tipones.... By the time i finish teaching her, the pay i recieve is already returing back to her already. Haiz. At least the brother still can understand though abit playful.

Saw this pic today and don't know why i feel angry and provoked. Is as though it is shown to me on purpose. What do you want from me. I am really very confused. Asking me questions over and over again.

Am already so stress with my students...school....project deadlines...medical appointment...weddings...birthdays...mum wants to go on a holiday to relax...moving house...christmas...financial problems...kuromi...precious moments...facial and throat inflamation...etc...arghhhhhhhh.....i feel so stresssssssss..........

I feel so SICK!!!!!!!!

Tiring Day

So tired....my poor feet...haha shopping at plaza singapura then walk to sunshine plaza then to city hall all around from one end to another then to marina square and city link....all by walking...in new shoes still and kenna blisters...don't know why whole day feel very tired.

When to suntec book fair today, kinda dissapointed. Last year one was better. Nothng much this year. Crowd wise still ok but really looking forward to my aunts wedding and the animex fair this sunday....gonna wear gothic and be emo haha.....

Anyway got some great deals today...might go back for more some other day once i get my pay and clear all the on-coming GIRO deductions....haiz....me getting broke le.....so poor...cause of comics and kuromi...really have to ive up 1 and i think i might give up comics le ba

just rent and read will do ba...haha but still it depends lar.....

Yes can finaly go overseas after my exams to see and go shopping....emmmm want to go taiwan and Bangkok....hope can go bother hehe....

one + one makes TWO

I know this may sound weird of my complimenting myself that when i do things or say thing i didn't mean and don't want to hurt anyone. Believe me if you want.

Last time just because i rejected one guy and was into another relationship apparently was his friend, he posted nasty and disgusting remarks on friendster and called everyone including my close friends to read it. Though everyone was at my side he was really a dispicable and childish boy to do such a thing.

I am from an engineering class of Intelligent Building Technology at TP. Once i was out with my friends and project group mates where most of them were guys(well it engineering and at my time its not very popular only aound 10 girls out o 100 over students, what do you expect), he had ended class and passed by, seeing me with my classmates he mock me from a close distance in public fand my friend for being a flirtatous and loose woman for hanging around so many guys. They were all my brothers that take care of me in my sch. What an idiot. Funny thing was that my family got so angried that they almost wanted to sue him for slandering and insulting me with unimaginable words and he say he is a gentleman. From what i heard, he caused many problems for all his gfs. I guess i was lucky to see his true colors. Him being a christian and lying and actings so that people pity him and thinks that his gfs are the ones at faults just because he doen't have total control over them. Such humilation. I really hope that he will learn his ways. I guess god will choose a way to let him learn. Anyway till now i do not have contact with him and will not.

And i thought it was over. Now comes another one. I have told him that i do not like him and will not but he doesn't give up. Then he tries to ask me to introduce girls to him. He says he is shy and scared of embrassment if rejected. I tried to ask him to let go and see how things goes. He insisted that i send the photos of my gals friends to him and DEFINATELY i would BE CRAZY to do that and so I refuse. Espically on my 21st birthday. I simply told him that i'm sorry my friends are there to celebrate my birthday and not look for boyfriends and he got angry and (i think) scolded me and immediately logged off and refused to talk to me. (What a relief and peace to my fingers and ears and mind). A few weeks later he say he have been waiting for me for very long le and he will not give up. Today he message me and ask me to be his gf. I said i don't like him so NO. Guess what he replied "I am good, u dun wan, you will regret. See u and take care."...All i can say is I WILL NEVER REGRET!!!!What a childish guy when he is already 30 or more.

Sony Ericsson XPERIA X1

Arghhhh....so many things an events to attend to.....so packed and busybut still absolutely happy finally got my X1 phoneat a promotional rate. Went to AMK Hello Singtel Shop they say all 5 phone have been reserved since the launch date of 8 Nov and the other nearest place would be at Bugis. They have 6 sets. 5 reserved and luckily still got one more set. LUCKY!!!!!

But me this IT idiot still testing out and trying out the phone. Don't really know how to use.Not use to the whole system. I find it laggy while loading though but maybe i'm too used to my nokia phone ba. Sony Ericsson phone a bit laggy mah compared to others or is it the memory space making it laggy at certain places?

Another thing, yay finaly manage to finish one projct report and presentation. 1 down 1 more to go and 2 exam then sem 2 over. Another 2 more sem till graduation. Can't wait to go and take the graduation photo with my mum. Feeling great about it. Pray that everything goes well...

KUROMI!!!

First was super pissed ou because kenna fly aeroplane by my friend again. (Not the first time already) How many times must you do this.

But anyway my retail therapy works. Lalalalala Got a new kuromi wallet (Finally found one that i like), coin pouch, long card holder and an alarm clock......haha...so happy all that i need.....and even got membership card le...collecting membership is also my hobbies (weird person right!!!) haha but thats me.

Kris and Girl thanks for taing time to accompany me for dinner and the jokes. Ps: Kris hope you liked your presents. Muacks...for kris only.....

Not now...

Seriously I do not want to get involve in any relationship now.I don't feel any more of those feelings it seems to be numb. All i want to do is go out have fun (retail therapy) slack. Most importantly to concentrate on my studies and work.

I know that you all are good guys but don't waste it on me. I do not and will not make any decisions for this moment so please don't force me. In the end u will irrate me more. If you feel that i am hopeless...don't u dare come scold me or start stupid rumors about me and later apologize. It doesn't work. Once done you can never turn back time so think wisely.

I had many opportunities but i did not cherish it and regrets is all i get. Now i learn and know so I don't want anybody to be like me or get hurt by me in any sense.

Inspirations

My inspirations where are you....

or maybe my mind is full of kuromi hahah

Why......I need my inspiration back and determination to do my project........

so many kuromi stuffs but so little money...why didn't i fall for kuromi b4 comincs then i could have more kuromi....muhahahaha...starting on my llornomannic le.....wahhh so many things to buy...trying to complete my comics and focus on my kuromi le...hehe

I feel not right when ppl just buy me stuffs out of no reason regardless if its kuromi...yes i might feel happy because its kuromi but....i feel bad and uneasy....why spend $ on mi and not pamper yourself.....it doesn't seem right...plus no excause of because i like you or wat....it adds on pressure to me indirectly.....

Forgive and Forget...

Is there such thing as to forgive and forget no matter how sinful one or others can be?

Phantom Of the Opera

Everyone have their good and ugly side (as in character). It's just whether which scale you stand on. For now i'm on the pivot point and i do not know which side to walk towards.

By the way, anyone knows where I can purchase a Phantom of The Opera Musical Box?

I Don't Know Why it Hurts...but no tears

Hearing what you said.

Seeing your messages.

All your reactions.

I feel devasted.

I should have cherised you but now its too late. I deserve it i guess. You all may say i will find someone better but stil....

The other i'm just speechless and refuse to think no more to this friendship. Whether is it tre or not.

I feel numb but yet hurt but i just can't cry....no tears flow from my eyes...y do i become such a person. I feel as though i'm just wearing a mask and i never want to take off.

My primary 1 stusent asked me, you dun want to have baby? Cause u say you don't want to go into a relationship yet. She thinks that there shouldbe a long term relationship, then comes marriage followed by babies. I am totally speechless. She hates to study but she can ask me such questions just to kill time. Still trying ways to let her do tuition work and her to try working harder. The mentality now is just TV and games and she doesn't like to study nor have tuition. So hard to talk and convince her. Her brother was willing to work hard though. I wonder, bro and sis but minds are alike and yet so different in ways.

Apparently she went through my bag and pen out everything and saw a mirror and she liked it and asked if she could have it. Her face and the smile just left me with no choice. I gave it to her since she liked it so much. (Hopefully her mum won't scold her). I know i shouldn't let she climb over my head as a tutor but i just can't bring my heart to be a strict teacher. I had tuition last time and my mum canning mi for any maths question that i dun know..i can so totally understand the student's feeling and mentality. I just have to find a way to switch it. Mine was switch on only till i recieve my 'O' level results.....and have been doing fine till now in uni. Hopefully i can really help them improve. Though 2 of them really did showed improvements, one was my previous student the other the current one. Hopefully I can work my ways out of this suitation again. (-.-)

Our Memories

Clara, Mei Qin and Me....

Photos on my 21st Birthday!!!!

Men in Uniform

Woah...Eric you lok so cool and shuai dai le...faint -.-...Ha Ha

Bernie

Hey bro, this is dedicated to you..weeeeee!!!!!!!! Thanks for accompanying me to buy stuffs in such last mintue and treating me a meal(lunch+Dinner). Haha......Finally get to sit in an RX8...woo hooo dammmm cool sia.....and thank you so much you were really a gentleman on elping mi with the umbrella and the door plus considerate to park some where easy for me to get out of the car.

Sharing stories and jokes about past and present i believe you felt cold enough le ba and so may conincidentals...haha....Yes sir, i will take into consideration on what you have said and taught me. Maybe the right one have not been clearly seen cause I'm know thinking too much.



So envy you can eat sure good jap food....haha. Anyway good luck for your exams and hope to see ya soon....>.<...super like that car we saw at bishan...haha....still like RX7 also too and my lamo....hehe

Is it Worth It?

Thank you guys for showing me concerning and all, texting me almost every hour asking about my feelings, trying to cheer me up, to show concern, so on and so forth....But is it worth it? We do not know the future you see. I don't understand, I'm not pretty, a little fat, sick, pessimistic, emotional, talk and laugh loudly (well only at home), hot temperred (only for like a few minutes then will calm down and everything back to normal), miht get jealous and a little demanding so on and so forth.....Do you really think i'm worth it, worth your time...Do consider.

Is this just a wooing tactic that all guys use cause i'm quite use to it till I'm not sure whether what is true and what is not. By saying doesn't prove anything, you need time and action to prove it so please give me time to heal. I have felt hurt till i'm numb. I really need time. Hope you all can understand. Thank You.

Can you believe it....

Before Nov, my friends (Nicholas the one who told me, Kristen, Michie, Michelle, Dionne, Eileen, Pei Jin, Xaiver, Alvin) actually bann me from kuromi for 3 weeks and i thought it was like so terrible and so hard to pass the days forcing myself from temptations. The next breaking news is worst, my mum actually said..." That time ur friends bann you from buying kuromi for 3 weeks right,now i bann you from buying for 3 MONTHS... months leh....arghhhhhhh...horrible...nightmare...how could she...haha but i still buy a little small small things can hide one can le haha)

Mum quarrel with dad as usual over things to throw or not to throw, then she forces me to go shopping on my own and even pre-sponsor (meaning i have t pay her back lar) me money for buying important things just to get me out of the house...reason being..(you should know, if u don't know dun ask).

So......i manage to drag Michie (so sorrie to disturb you) with me and went on a shopping spree he he. Went her house and cope some games to play cause very bored. Then it was to late at night to go home alone then had to ask gerrald (michie bro) to send me home. Halfway she mesage me say tat she forgotten that she should have followed me in the car when she herself help me close the door. LoL......Diaoz..Anyway than you michie...love you hehe

So Tired

Life is so tiring,worst still when talking about love.

Is it so hard to find someone whom you love and loves you back,

No family disagrements about religion,

Someone financially stable and understanding.

I know its in my mind but its the fact that i can't control it that why I need to take medication.

If i can control and not take medication then what is this illness born for,

What are medications for,It's to help.

I know most of it is part of my mind and i am trying to cope but you all just can't keeping asking and stressing me to stop medication. I tried before and it didn't work. Instead things got worst, I started to hurt myself and cut myself. Its not as easy as you think or say. Yu have not been through what i have you don't know how it feels. So please i need people to support me to recover and not to force me into depth of darkness.

Just Go Ahead...

堇情地去爱吧 , 就当作不称受过伤。

堇情地跳舞吧，就当作没有人看见。

堇情地去爱吧 ，就当作不称受过伤。

堇情地歌唱吧 ，就当作没有人听见。

堇情地工作吧 ，就当作你不需要钱。

堇情地生身活吧 就当作今天是生命的最后一天。