After so long till its serious

Sick since 20th dec till today. First was diarrhoea then followed by food poisioning and stomach flu, followed by vomitting, flu, cough, toothache, high fever for 2 days, cramp and sore throat. Can't talk without feeling the pain. Even swallowing saliva is very painful worst still eating food and swallowing medications.

Went to see the the private doctor at gleneagles also and almost got admitted into the hospial for depression so as to keep me under control.

Super sad, could have been on a holiday, events and all gatherings but because of my health miss out on so many things. Health really means alot. Seriously. Having all the rishes in the world cannot compare to ur health.Been so long since i was sick this serious already and it feels teribble till i even feel like going through injections even foe te fear of needles and worst, feel like dying to stop feeling the pain.

However, I came to realise and I really salute those who are suffering more than me and want to fight to live. So i should not give up no matter what. ^^,

Term 3 Here i Come

Woah....finally the figh for term 2 is coming to an end. One more project to go and term 3....followed by Term 4 and i graduate....yipeeee.....

Been so busy with health and school and work....super stress.....want to save on medical blls but thecurrent doctor is not helpful...making things worst for me...what should i do. Which should i choose?

Private doc = $$$$ = effective Government doc = $$ = not so effective

Really pray for a quick recovery and a smooth rad ahead. Not only for me but everyone else...Everyone so busy and going though lots of tough times...but believe it or not everyone will get their happy ending as long they fight for it. So GAMBETTE!!!! everyone.

Today i believe is the release of O level results i guess...saw alot of student taking their cert and counting points....I overheard ppl scoring single digit points and its like nothing to them...Gosh...such a tough fight...luckily i'm over that time and i'm here...Hey even if you score badly doesn't mean you can't go further...I scored 27 points and in poly i got a GPA of 3.23/4 and now i'm in UNI. As long as you work hard and want to achieve...nothing can stop you. Yeah!!!!!!

Scary Day

I don't know what happen today but i started crying and screaming, hitting myself against the wall and thought of jumping off my flat from my room. Till now my head still hurts form the knocking against the walls and window grill. I don't know whats happening to me.

People scold me say it all in my mind and that i can control. Its not easy. You have not gone through what i have and u are not me. You never got depression so how can u judge me. You ask me to stop medication and all those...u think u are helping me but u are not i can tell me. You are making me worst then before and please just stop making things worst for me.

I am already starting not to trust any other people and isolating myself from the crowd. So just let me be. Sometimes it is so difficult to act as though nothing have happened. But it have. So please just stop pressuring me. I really feel afriad of what happened to me this afternoon. At this rate, maybe death is the only choice.

Silly CHELSEA

First it was quite noisy (well everyday). She keep trying to knock the barrier board down and manage to do so then every day try knock down the dustbin or put her nose into it. Then yesterday i stayed in my room. She was so quite, i though she was asleep. I wanted to wash the cup and throw rubbish and the next thing i saw....hahahahaha....I SWEAR and cross my heart i didn't put i on her. She just sat there and didn't move cause it was just pure darkness. When i took the thing out. inside was all the saliver...apparently she wanted to eat some of it. In the end i had to wash her whole head to prevent ants bite and she seriously hates bath. I think she really regretted it or maybe not, cause she did the same thing over and over again. We can no longer throw rubbish in that bin already. Only the main chute.

Aftermath of being too nosy against the bin and curiousity

People say curiousity killed the cat

but in my case curiousity of dogs results in the above

Death and life

Why do i seeand feel that love hurts more then death. I am seeking for the one to believe in. I know it is not an easy task. Jesus went through so much pain. I feel so lost...so numb...just feel like crying all day and not bother on what is going around me.

Why do people keep shouting at me scolding me. Using me. Lying to me. Backstabing me and so many more.... Is this life? I guess so. Nothing can change i guess. I just hope i can seek "you in time and just end all pain in this world.

I'm not crazy. I'm not any druct addict. I am not crazy. Not a drug addict. You don'tm know what I am you though. You don't worth to be my doctor. So what if i die if i take that medicine. You say since i have been taking it for almost a year and nothing happen so it should be ok to give me th medicine. You don't listen to my cries. All you think is that you willl only spend 10 minues per patient. You don'y deserve to be a doctor and even more not deser ving the name of being called a specialist on how u treat the auntie and me. You are not a good doctor. I hate you and i hate mself for hating someone like you.

I don't deserve anything good i guess. I owe to everytone in my past life.

Do not keep messaging me after u read this it will just drive me off the edge. I don't know what i will do. Just let me vent out here and within.

Super Stress

Exam time again....so stress so afraid of the coming papers which is next week...>.<, unable to absorb anything into my mind. I just feel so tired ad restless.

So many things going through my mind. Just pray that the paper will go ez on me.

Went out with ye ye today, my break day. Long time no see (almost half a year or more le) and still no change...haha...also the caring grandfather for mi...always there for me though his phone keep ringing throughout the day. Thank you. Gambatte i know u working very hard so wish u all the best. Sob still say want to celebrate and make it a big day for mi as my belated birthday but not even a slice of cake...>.<...haha

Like my family doctor preaching to me. I must find that someone to believe and love ( which is god almighty) and not fall for the 4 elements that the fallen angel will try to lure me aways. Must really make the effor to go church le. Have been some time already. To seek comfort and peace.

Whats's wrong

Life

I simply give up already. I really feel like crying but it seems that i can't really cry much like before le. Have i grown and seen through things? I don't know. I know somehing is wrong with me. I am trying to change for the better but i need time. I also need to accept the truth and fact. Yes i do like attention but the right one, someone i can talk to when troubled and go out shoping with like "brothers" and "sisters", i know as time passes all will lose contact due to own personal life but for now, why not enjoy the chance of youth and fun.

Am i that bad to deserve all these? What did i do wrong. Too over friendly? Too direct? Too naive? Too talkive? Too ugly? Whats wrong. I see faults in myself but i am those that not by scolding then i will change but through talking. But sometimes its just my nature. I know this will bring my troubles but i just can't bear the consequences of hurting others. I try my very best but still it doesn't work. In the end i get scolded.

Why people think that i am rich and will come to me for financial problem. I myself already have problems with my own finance. My friends are there to support me by reminding me what i buy is wether a not or a need and i am practicing it.

Relationships are so much troubles. Having problems with friends, family and even conflicts within myself, i feel so out-casted. Sometimes death seems to be the solution but life is something to go through and learn. Since we have a chance to live, why not live it to its fullest. So i decided to live it according to what my life is suppose to be ba.

School

Currently quite stress with my school. I just simply lay too much expectation on myself. Everyone will say a pass will do but to me i have a dream iwant to achieve it. I want my parents to be proud when people ask about their daughter. But they don't really care about my thinking. All they want is a simple and healthy life. Yes understand that and i want that but in Singapore society without qualifactions it is difficult to achieve every dream.

World

The world seems to be ending soon, economic crisis, terrorism, political issues, global warming, so many people suffering and dying. Its sooner or later. I guess we should all cherish every single moment n life and not live in unnecessary pain and troubles.

Crybaby

Ha ha...after watching over how many times i will still cry at that very sceens and chapters...over like 8 years already..haha...guess i am very emotional when watching movies and shows i guess.Too engross in it. Reading a comic i can also cry...haiyo...can get scared till cannot sleep also...worst...too imaginative. Crying in the heart is ok but once, i watched anime and i actually cried and shouted him name not to die....DIAOZ right. But anyway i did lucky not in public so pai seh.

High School musical 3 i cry, horror movies which i was forced to watch and cry until i was seating on the cinema floor having a jacket over my head and hand on my ears and eyes shut, inspirational moves from hallmark r tv series i also cry....Funny right...Next time wanrt to ask me go movie better think about it...horror i will never watch...others....ermmmm...hard to say just prepare lor....might cry anytime

Coming to real life i couldn't cry for a period of time and i don't anymore, am i numb or just getting stronger.....I thought i couldn't cry anymore so i tried to watch the drama like It started with a kiss 2 and anime and surely the tears flow like watertap even though i can tell what will be the ending and whats going to happen next.

Will i cry again...who know *shruggs* we'll see!!!!!

Helen's Wedding

Finally the day have arrived. I have grown up together with you 2 for so long.....Congratulations helen and freddie!!!!!!! May your love last forever like what father said it is easy to love but maintaining the love is the hard part. We everone wish you guys the best.

Even though i did not have a good rest but i manage to pull through the whole thing. Flu cough giddy vomit headache gastric...but i had so much fun and happy that i feel its worth it.

I am also really impress that i could actually style my hair this way with no trying or practice. Manage a short hair to clip on extensions in less then 25 minutes.....makeup and all....very appy with the result.

Not only to couples, love to everyone is easy but to maintain it. We hav to take a step; make the effort.

Monday blues on a Tuesday

Haiz cannot handle my Pri 1 student. Rich kids are so hard to teach. She will only do homework in exchange of something from me.....pens....and are those expensive ones that i need for my schedule book to write those ultra fine tipones.... By the time i finish teaching her, the pay i recieve is already returing back to her already. Haiz. At least the brother still can understand though abit playful.

Saw this pic today and don't know why i feel angry and provoked. Is as though it is shown to me on purpose. What do you want from me. I am really very confused. Asking me questions over and over again.

Am already so stress with my students...school....project deadlines...medical appointment...weddings...birthdays...mum wants to go on a holiday to relax...moving house...christmas...financial problems...kuromi...precious moments...facial and throat inflamation...etc...arghhhhhhhh.....i feel so stresssssssss..........

I feel so SICK!!!!!!!!

Tiring Day

So tired....my poor feet...haha shopping at plaza singapura then walk to sunshine plaza then to city hall all around from one end to another then to marina square and city link....all by walking...in new shoes still and kenna blisters...don't know why whole day feel very tired.

When to suntec book fair today, kinda dissapointed. Last year one was better. Nothng much this year. Crowd wise still ok but really looking forward to my aunts wedding and the animex fair this sunday....gonna wear gothic and be emo haha.....

Anyway got some great deals today...might go back for more some other day once i get my pay and clear all the on-coming GIRO deductions....haiz....me getting broke le.....so poor...cause of comics and kuromi...really have to ive up 1 and i think i might give up comics le ba

just rent and read will do ba...haha but still it depends lar.....

Yes can finaly go overseas after my exams to see and go shopping....emmmm want to go taiwan and Bangkok....hope can go bother hehe....

one + one makes TWO

I know this may sound weird of my complimenting myself that when i do things or say thing i didn't mean and don't want to hurt anyone. Believe me if you want.

Last time just because i rejected one guy and was into another relationship apparently was his friend, he posted nasty and disgusting remarks on friendster and called everyone including my close friends to read it. Though everyone was at my side he was really a dispicable and childish boy to do such a thing.

I am from an engineering class of Intelligent Building Technology at TP. Once i was out with my friends and project group mates where most of them were guys(well it engineering and at my time its not very popular only aound 10 girls out o 100 over students, what do you expect), he had ended class and passed by, seeing me with my classmates he mock me from a close distance in public fand my friend for being a flirtatous and loose woman for hanging around so many guys. They were all my brothers that take care of me in my sch. What an idiot. Funny thing was that my family got so angried that they almost wanted to sue him for slandering and insulting me with unimaginable words and he say he is a gentleman. From what i heard, he caused many problems for all his gfs. I guess i was lucky to see his true colors. Him being a christian and lying and actings so that people pity him and thinks that his gfs are the ones at faults just because he doen't have total control over them. Such humilation. I really hope that he will learn his ways. I guess god will choose a way to let him learn. Anyway till now i do not have contact with him and will not.

And i thought it was over. Now comes another one. I have told him that i do not like him and will not but he doesn't give up. Then he tries to ask me to introduce girls to him. He says he is shy and scared of embrassment if rejected. I tried to ask him to let go and see how things goes. He insisted that i send the photos of my gals friends to him and DEFINATELY i would BE CRAZY to do that and so I refuse. Espically on my 21st birthday. I simply told him that i'm sorry my friends are there to celebrate my birthday and not look for boyfriends and he got angry and (i think) scolded me and immediately logged off and refused to talk to me. (What a relief and peace to my fingers and ears and mind). A few weeks later he say he have been waiting for me for very long le and he will not give up. Today he message me and ask me to be his gf. I said i don't like him so NO. Guess what he replied "I am good, u dun wan, you will regret. See u and take care."...All i can say is I WILL NEVER REGRET!!!!What a childish guy when he is already 30 or more.

Sony Ericsson XPERIA X1

Arghhhh....so many things an events to attend to.....so packed and busybut still absolutely happy finally got my X1 phoneat a promotional rate. Went to AMK Hello Singtel Shop they say all 5 phone have been reserved since the launch date of 8 Nov and the other nearest place would be at Bugis. They have 6 sets. 5 reserved and luckily still got one more set. LUCKY!!!!!

But me this IT idiot still testing out and trying out the phone. Don't really know how to use.Not use to the whole system. I find it laggy while loading though but maybe i'm too used to my nokia phone ba. Sony Ericsson phone a bit laggy mah compared to others or is it the memory space making it laggy at certain places?

Another thing, yay finaly manage to finish one projct report and presentation. 1 down 1 more to go and 2 exam then sem 2 over. Another 2 more sem till graduation. Can't wait to go and take the graduation photo with my mum. Feeling great about it. Pray that everything goes well...

KUROMI!!!

First was super pissed ou because kenna fly aeroplane by my friend again. (Not the first time already) How many times must you do this.

But anyway my retail therapy works. Lalalalala Got a new kuromi wallet (Finally found one that i like), coin pouch, long card holder and an alarm clock......haha...so happy all that i need.....and even got membership card le...collecting membership is also my hobbies (weird person right!!!) haha but thats me.

Kris and Girl thanks for taing time to accompany me for dinner and the jokes. Ps: Kris hope you liked your presents. Muacks...for kris only.....

Not now...

Seriously I do not want to get involve in any relationship now.I don't feel any more of those feelings it seems to be numb. All i want to do is go out have fun (retail therapy) slack. Most importantly to concentrate on my studies and work.

I know that you all are good guys but don't waste it on me. I do not and will not make any decisions for this moment so please don't force me. In the end u will irrate me more. If you feel that i am hopeless...don't u dare come scold me or start stupid rumors about me and later apologize. It doesn't work. Once done you can never turn back time so think wisely.

I had many opportunities but i did not cherish it and regrets is all i get. Now i learn and know so I don't want anybody to be like me or get hurt by me in any sense.

Inspirations

My inspirations where are you....

or maybe my mind is full of kuromi hahah

Why......I need my inspiration back and determination to do my project........

so many kuromi stuffs but so little money...why didn't i fall for kuromi b4 comincs then i could have more kuromi....muhahahaha...starting on my llornomannic le.....wahhh so many things to buy...trying to complete my comics and focus on my kuromi le...hehe

I feel not right when ppl just buy me stuffs out of no reason regardless if its kuromi...yes i might feel happy because its kuromi but....i feel bad and uneasy....why spend $ on mi and not pamper yourself.....it doesn't seem right...plus no excause of because i like you or wat....it adds on pressure to me indirectly.....

Forgive and Forget...

Is there such thing as to forgive and forget no matter how sinful one or others can be?

Phantom Of the Opera

Everyone have their good and ugly side (as in character). It's just whether which scale you stand on. For now i'm on the pivot point and i do not know which side to walk towards.

By the way, anyone knows where I can purchase a Phantom of The Opera Musical Box?

I Don't Know Why it Hurts...but no tears

Hearing what you said.

Seeing your messages.

All your reactions.

I feel devasted.

I should have cherised you but now its too late. I deserve it i guess. You all may say i will find someone better but stil....

The other i'm just speechless and refuse to think no more to this friendship. Whether is it tre or not.

I feel numb but yet hurt but i just can't cry....no tears flow from my eyes...y do i become such a person. I feel as though i'm just wearing a mask and i never want to take off.

My primary 1 stusent asked me, you dun want to have baby? Cause u say you don't want to go into a relationship yet. She thinks that there shouldbe a long term relationship, then comes marriage followed by babies. I am totally speechless. She hates to study but she can ask me such questions just to kill time. Still trying ways to let her do tuition work and her to try working harder. The mentality now is just TV and games and she doesn't like to study nor have tuition. So hard to talk and convince her. Her brother was willing to work hard though. I wonder, bro and sis but minds are alike and yet so different in ways.

Apparently she went through my bag and pen out everything and saw a mirror and she liked it and asked if she could have it. Her face and the smile just left me with no choice. I gave it to her since she liked it so much. (Hopefully her mum won't scold her). I know i shouldn't let she climb over my head as a tutor but i just can't bring my heart to be a strict teacher. I had tuition last time and my mum canning mi for any maths question that i dun know..i can so totally understand the student's feeling and mentality. I just have to find a way to switch it. Mine was switch on only till i recieve my 'O' level results.....and have been doing fine till now in uni. Hopefully i can really help them improve. Though 2 of them really did showed improvements, one was my previous student the other the current one. Hopefully I can work my ways out of this suitation again. (-.-)

Our Memories

Clara, Mei Qin and Me....

Photos on my 21st Birthday!!!!

Men in Uniform

Woah...Eric you lok so cool and shuai dai le...faint -.-...Ha Ha

Bernie

Hey bro, this is dedicated to you..weeeeee!!!!!!!! Thanks for accompanying me to buy stuffs in such last mintue and treating me a meal(lunch+Dinner). Haha......Finally get to sit in an RX8...woo hooo dammmm cool sia.....and thank you so much you were really a gentleman on elping mi with the umbrella and the door plus considerate to park some where easy for me to get out of the car.

Sharing stories and jokes about past and present i believe you felt cold enough le ba and so may conincidentals...haha....Yes sir, i will take into consideration on what you have said and taught me. Maybe the right one have not been clearly seen cause I'm know thinking too much.



So envy you can eat sure good jap food....haha. Anyway good luck for your exams and hope to see ya soon....>.<...super like that car we saw at bishan...haha....still like RX7 also too and my lamo....hehe

Is it Worth It?

Thank you guys for showing me concerning and all, texting me almost every hour asking about my feelings, trying to cheer me up, to show concern, so on and so forth....But is it worth it? We do not know the future you see. I don't understand, I'm not pretty, a little fat, sick, pessimistic, emotional, talk and laugh loudly (well only at home), hot temperred (only for like a few minutes then will calm down and everything back to normal), miht get jealous and a little demanding so on and so forth.....Do you really think i'm worth it, worth your time...Do consider.

Is this just a wooing tactic that all guys use cause i'm quite use to it till I'm not sure whether what is true and what is not. By saying doesn't prove anything, you need time and action to prove it so please give me time to heal. I have felt hurt till i'm numb. I really need time. Hope you all can understand. Thank You.

Can you believe it....

Before Nov, my friends (Nicholas the one who told me, Kristen, Michie, Michelle, Dionne, Eileen, Pei Jin, Xaiver, Alvin) actually bann me from kuromi for 3 weeks and i thought it was like so terrible and so hard to pass the days forcing myself from temptations. The next breaking news is worst, my mum actually said..." That time ur friends bann you from buying kuromi for 3 weeks right,now i bann you from buying for 3 MONTHS... months leh....arghhhhhhh...horrible...nightmare...how could she...haha but i still buy a little small small things can hide one can le haha)

Mum quarrel with dad as usual over things to throw or not to throw, then she forces me to go shopping on my own and even pre-sponsor (meaning i have t pay her back lar) me money for buying important things just to get me out of the house...reason being..(you should know, if u don't know dun ask).

So......i manage to drag Michie (so sorrie to disturb you) with me and went on a shopping spree he he. Went her house and cope some games to play cause very bored. Then it was to late at night to go home alone then had to ask gerrald (michie bro) to send me home. Halfway she mesage me say tat she forgotten that she should have followed me in the car when she herself help me close the door. LoL......Diaoz..Anyway than you michie...love you hehe

So Tired

Life is so tiring,worst still when talking about love.

Is it so hard to find someone whom you love and loves you back,

No family disagrements about religion,

Someone financially stable and understanding.

I know its in my mind but its the fact that i can't control it that why I need to take medication.

If i can control and not take medication then what is this illness born for,

What are medications for,It's to help.

I know most of it is part of my mind and i am trying to cope but you all just can't keeping asking and stressing me to stop medication. I tried before and it didn't work. Instead things got worst, I started to hurt myself and cut myself. Its not as easy as you think or say. Yu have not been through what i have you don't know how it feels. So please i need people to support me to recover and not to force me into depth of darkness.

Just Go Ahead...

堇情地去爱吧 , 就当作不称受过伤。

堇情地跳舞吧，就当作没有人看见。

堇情地去爱吧 ，就当作不称受过伤。

堇情地歌唱吧 ，就当作没有人听见。

堇情地工作吧 ，就当作你不需要钱。

堇情地生身活吧 就当作今天是生命的最后一天。

HAN Bites

Thank you so much Han for taking time to accompany me out today. Hearing your voice was a real comfort for me and really calmed my mind heart and soul down. Really had a great time shopping, talking about crazy and stupid stupid stuffs.....( really look forward to the day you get married....cross dress PARTY man....wooh hooo!!!!!)chatting about past in poly, FOC, FOW, Spydra and all.

The crying part i will never forget....when the results were out. The emotions were just so overwhelming.....but none the less Spydra Rockz!!!!!

I really miss those days. Kinda fun even though was tiring.Everything was worth while for the camp. I will always remeber you after u took ur bath and started running around bitting ppl espically at the canteen on my left shoulder. It hurt so muuch that till today i still remember....haha wat a good way to remember you.....bitting HAN.....I think its so wasted that you are not a vampire...haha then u can go around bitting ppl leagally.

Hope to see you soon through ur busy schedule...^^,..Next time must take photos k....cheers

Thoughts

I have been thinking what if the day come that i was involve in an accident, maybe thats the days i can rest and get release from suffering but for the current 2 days, I have only seen car accidents along the road (luckily only just the dent in the car no one was injuried) and it didn't happen to me no matter how reckless the driver was. Maybe its a sign from god that it not my time yet?

Sick Day

Haiz another sick and boring day....medication and more medication....so many things in my mind till i don't know which to think about. Yes try not to think too much, but easier said then done. I really trying my best but i guess it isn't enough.

No inspiration in doing my project...(I'm like those writers...if i have the inspiration i will stay in front of my com and do my project and dun eat or slep one..like in comics..haha)

I feel so emotionless...guess been hurt so many times and after all that i have gone through, i really give up and hold no hopes le. Sometimes i feel that dying can slve everything but thinking of the consequences its not worth it. I must wait till the day god decides to bring me home to him. He was my creator and i have no right to destroy his creations. I can't save the world but at least myself i guess. Plus i will hurt the ppl around me. I really don't know. It seems that i', getting worst but i dun want to tell my mum cause i don't want her to worry. Sometimes when she worry she express it in forms of anger and she even slap me for saying i wanted to die. I guess i deserve it. I dun blame her though.

Life is just so miserable. I no longer fear death but i fear the living the environment the ppl in this world around me. Such horror.

Thank You...But Please give me time

Thank you for inviting me to watch High School Musical 3 (Very nice and touching way way better then High Sch Musical 2) and my belated birthday present (Kuromi stuffs and shinhwa collabration mv disc) plus trying to cheer me up.

Please give me time cause I don't think my mind and heart is ready for a relationship right now. I hope you can understand. My heart in on a healing process now....

I couldn't have gone though it w/o you guys

Never Regret

Nothing

I am but a body without a soul, with a heart that have been stab and a fear that is chasing me. I just want to be alone. Please just leave me alone. I don't care whether to recover or not, i dun care where i end up in, i don't care if i have to eat medication all the time. I really don't care. Please just leave me alone. I can't take it anymore. No More.

All I Need...

All i need is for someone to hug me from behind and tell me he love me

All i need is him to be there for me when i needed him the most

All i need is his trust and patience

All i need is him to be sociable and happy

All i need is his comfort and shoulder to lie or cry on

All i need is him to be faithful and truthful to me

All i need is to be loved and to love

But of course must be financially stable

Most importantly I must have feelings for him

It takes 2 hands to clap in a relationship

Is that so difficult?

Fear

My fear for "you" have not faded

"You" destroyed my life

Whenever I see "you"

I fear

The memories just grip on to me

I fear that it will get control of my emotions

If "you" ever come and hurt me again

I swear i will make "you" regret what you ever did

Please just leave me and mum alone

I don't want to see "you"
I don't want to dream and fear "you"

Please just get out of out life

Don't destroy our lives

Like "you" did to yourself

Mind and Heart

My mind is telling me something

But i don't know will it be true

My Heart is telling me something

But i don't know which to follow

Send me a sign

Tell me wat should I do.

Alone

I just want to be alone

I want to rely on myself

I don't need guys

I can survive on my own

I want peace and quiet

Without pain and sorrow

My heart is crying

Yelling out with no sounds

No emotions

No feelings

No thoughts

No hope

No wishes

No pain

No tears

Just me and myself

Who Can I Trust?

Girls

They are nice and sweet infront of you

At your back

They backstab you

They Gossip about you

Guys

They say things that are not true

They make promises that cannot be done

They lie and be unfaithful behind your back

I can't even trust myself...then who can i trust?

Dreams

It seemed so real the dreams that i had

But its weird, it has been a long time

since i had a dream

I never remember a dream

I never even dream after medication

But y yesterday

It was a painful and helpless dream.

Words

You have not even know me for long
You try to make me smile when i am down
You say you love me
You say you want me to be your gf
You say you will never let me cry again
You say you will protect me
You won't be like my past
You know my heart is with someone else
You ask me to give you a chance
Though broken
But I'm still not ready to be in another relationship just yet
I need to sort out my feeling
My emotions
Please give me time

Thank you

Finally you decided to tell me the truth
Thank you
I truely understand everything now
I will learn to accept and back out
No need to feel bad about it
It's your life
It needs 2 hands to clap in a relationship
Thank you.

Feelings and Mood

Crying my heart out

Not knowing what to do

Just don't want ppl to be affected by me

Just want everyone to be happy

I don't want to be afected by my feelings

Listening to Duffy's Rockferry album

It so relates to my heart's feelings

Don't ask me to be your gf

Cause you don't want me to be sad

You don't want me to be hurt

Cause you know my heart is still with someone

I do not want to hurt you

We'll just let time tell

Thank you for being there for me

I'm so sorry to have drag you into my problems

I know you have your problems on your own

But i feel that i just need to hear you voice

To be crying out in your arms like at suntec

I felt so much comfort

You were always there for me

I do not know how i can thank you enough

Thank You all for the presents....I love them all

Birthday Gifts

Red Packets
MuMu Ya Menbership card
Kuromi : Table Mat
Pen
Pencil
Eraser
Clips
Ez-link cover
Pouch
T-shirt
Coin Box + Puzzles
Hand Made Card + Location Card
Card Holder
Foldable Chair
Door Hanger
Monitor and Keyboard Cover
Individual Chop
Chop Set in a Box
NDS pouch
T-shirt Design Container
Coin Pouch
Fabric Jewelery Box with Music
Zip Pouch
Soft Toy (Crown Edition)
Note Book
Pen
6 packs of condoms....Diaoz.....
Morgan Watch
Girls Night Out Card Game
Puma Jacket
Anna Sui - Night of Fancy Perfume
Chip and Dale Soft Toy + Sweet
Me to You Bear Birthday Card
Escada Sentiment Perfume
Paris Bijoux HP Strap - crystals, key and lock
Grey Handbag - Pan Belle
Handmade Card + Turning wishes
Music Box - Mozart zauberflote)
Guess Handbag
Handmade Anime Birthday Card
Schedule Book
Helen : Necklace
Bracelet
Earring
Blue Crystal Hair Clip
Cinnamoroll Jewelery Music Box
Pink Ballet Jewelery Music Box + Card
Precious Moment October Baby Figurine + Card
Lancome Lip Shine
Fake Eye Lashes (re-usable)
Body Shop - Pink Grapefruit Body Scrub
Green Stripped Shirt Dress
Printed (Happy Birthday) roses and some specially spray painted Blue

Most Importantly Well wishes from All of U!!!!

Sorry If I didn't entertain you well on my birthday...very sorry

I was so excited that i didn't sleep on the day before the chalet so i was still a bit blur blur.....seriously i even lost my way to the chalet thats y ppl have to bring me around.

As for the chalet details, there was a change in the chalet names therfore ppl got mistaken on the place...so sorry about that...it happens to me too....as for the change in room, it was only during the registration then i knew the exact room cause there was a maintenance prob with the actual room then they last minute change the room for us.

For the celebration, if i didn't entertain you wll enough...i deeply apologize....there were too many ppl and different groups of you, kinda hard for me to entertain all on my own...that y you see i didn't wear any shoes cause gotta run all around in and out. Hope you guys can understand.

I would also like to take this opportunity to thank everyone for helping me in the chalet entertaining each other, dee and Xavier for the eye makeup and lashes.....michie for going with me early in the morning for the PM event.....that you everyone for taking time to come to my birthday and celebrating this special day with me. Thank you.

So So excited...

I can't wait for tomorrows Precious Moment event when i get get my dream event piece and see what other beautiful stuffs to buy.....so excited then i am going to celebrate my 21st birthday tomorrow....(even though the actual day s on the 21st Oct...haha)...imagine 21 on the 21st Oct(10) in chinese is my name....it will be so memorable

I wonder 18 oct is so lucky? It seems like there are alot of ppl celebrating birthdays on that day and weddings haha...well really hope everything goes well tomorrow....(Praying and hopeful).

Seriously Shocked

Mum actually bought me the kuromi tube sweet from a Jap store she pass by...o.O...Haha... So happy.......Really keen on my coming birthday this Sat.....The kuromi ban.....quick quick...hehe

Photo to be posted soon...

Horror....

When chelsea was young, i place chip on my hand and she sniffs him but yestersay I took Mao Mao out and she came over sniff and link MAo Mao. Thinks its friendly...NO......it ends in horror... she used her mouth to take him away fro my hand and i scream at her to drop him and she did. I immediately grab Mao Mao in my hands. Mao mao was totally freaked out. Imagine it sia.

It was either she thought it or she thought she was one of her treat...or basically just jealous of me giving attention to him. I will never ever let them near again. My poor mao mao.

Bad Chelsea.

Delayed Devotion

It seems you wanna give me

Oh, a life time of security

Down on your dying knees

I watch you, babe, I watch you plead

But your words come much too late

My love for you has turned to hate

Cause you've taken too much time

To show me that you're mine

[Chorus]

When I drop you boy

You'll need another toy

One that won't stand up for herself

When I knock you down

You'll need another town

Where somebody's gonna talk to you

You just let me wait

Now it's too late

For your delayed, delayed devotion

You try to convince me

Oh, about the possibilities

But I know that all your poetry

Just comes from insecurity

Cause your actions speak nothing no more

When it's what I've been waiting for

Cause you've taken too much time

To show me that you're mine

[Chorus]

You played me for a fool for too long

Blinded by your lies

I never saw your all I'm no longer under your spell

Hear it in a song

You can go to Hell

[Chorus]

Breaking My Own Heart

I rushed right in

Just like a fool

So struck down by you

I didn't know what to do

I started on

Breaking my own heart

Breaking my own heart

Breaking my own heart

Yeah

I started on

Breaking my own heart

Breaking my own heart

Yeah, I was frozen

By the painI tried

To reach out to you

But I felt so ashamed

So, I kept on

Breaking my own heart

Breaking my own heart

Breaking my own heart

I kept on

Breaking my own heart

Breaking my own heart

Save me

Somebody save me

From this misery

Love is killing me

Please save me

I need saving

Won't somebody save me

From this misery

Love is killing me

Ooo, save me

I hung on

To every word you say

In search of a sign boy

You felt the same way

But it was only me

Breaking my own heart

Breaking my own heart

Breaking my own heart

If I keep on

Breaking my own heart

Breaking my own heart

Save me

Won't somebody save me

From this misery

Love is killing me

Save me

I need saving

Won't somebody save me

From this misery

Love is killing me

Ooo, save me

Ooh Save

I said "Save me"

From this misery

Love is killing me

Please save me

Mars Verse Venus

Guys think that girl is hard to understand

Gals think that guys are hard to understand

Gals giftsare easy to buy (just either too expensive or too many)

Guys gift are so hard to buy (unless you know what they want...as in they tell you)

Is communication really that bad between girls and gals?

One senerio,

A guy was invited to my coming birthday party

He keep insisting me to introduce my gal friends to him

I told him to see for himself which is suitable and go and make friends

If afraid can as me if she is attached or not then go ask her

He kept wanting me to send him photos of my friends (which of course i did NOT...I'm not crazy ok)

Everytime is this issue

I know my friends

They don't suit him in my opinion

I don't want anybody to be hurt or embrassed

I got a little pissed off and i said:

" My friend are there to party and celebrate my birthday not to look for boyfriends"

and he got angry

said bye and log off immediately.

WTH/F...I was just trying not to hurt him

The Heart in the Cage

An emotionless heart

No feelings

No smile

No hope

No desire

Lockdown in a box

Keys thrown away

Neverhope to be opened again

Thank You For Being There For Me So Many Years...

I remember the first time we met was wen i was in poly at CS to watch movie and you were so well dressed.... i got checked IC for watching Meet The Fockers....haha......

We talked and comforted each other when either of us were down and you will often drop a message or a call to show that you have not forgotten me. Many life changing moments have happen even since our last meeting at Taka. Hope to see you soon at my birthday. I like to take this chance to tank you for all you have done for me.

Gals out there, grab him....he is a super reat guy and sincere, romantic and loyal to the gf.......she will treat her like a princess.....seriously....Just learn to know him more and accept im for who he is and he will be your prince charming.

Happy 5th Birthday Tara...

Happy Birthday to you

Happy Birthday to you

Happy Birthday to Tara....

Happy Birthday to you..........

You are so smart and adorable. Wish you all the best in your coming years to come. *winks*

Taipei 101

Group Shot at the Airport before take off

Group Shot in 101 Building