History repeating itself

Is it so hard to maintain a frienship or a fun outdoor gathering just because someone is attached? So as to have a normal and fun outing ends up amages in all place. Friends, bf and me. What's the point. I can't always blame on my deression even though its medically proven that it got worst but i still have to manage it i know. Now glen keep asking me is it because of him that i cannot enjoy mt time with friends. I seriously don't think its his. But it have became an image setted.

An outing but just because glen is around we 2 have to be left alone? Why? Say to "xiang qin xiang ai"? If i have not spent enough time with him i would have accompained him instead of going out as a group. When i go out as a group, it becomes no difference from a date with him. So whats the whole point about going out as a group? I seriously don't understand. Not updated about wearbouts when saying will reach marina sqare to eat. Waited there like idots not knowing anything. Last minute recieve phone call say at city link. From marina barrage go city link when saying on the way to marina square and ended up choose to go back to flyer after asked mi to decide and wait.

When out without glen, i'm stupid. I can't catch up wit things and topics, then ended up left out. Ask? This secret that secret. Then go out in couple, 2 person goes invisible. When voicing out on how i felt i was treated ppl say i hurt them by saying this. But sometimes with so many ppl u really tend to neglect others. Odd numbers is always like that. Especially while walking.

Voice out wrong. Don't voice out ppl say u never voice out how they know. So how? "tay gong tay siao" lar? 

2 days straight

Yesterday went out with chua and eillen. Eileen was drunk and seriously spoke things that made my heart ache. Say me this kind of "standad" also got so many people like....sob sob...then ena shot by her many time. From the time i met her till i alight from the train. When she's drunks, watever she says, "yi zhen jian xue".

Then today wnt out with them again for movie. Xavier chen qing yuan also went. Supose to shoot and qarrel with eileen. In the end i kenna again. "si be sian" -_-
Went to watch jack neo's movie Where got Ghost. end up crying, laughing and screaming in the theater. So much mixed feelings within one movie.

Please lar next time don't keep aiming me. I very kelian le. since young kenna bully till now....

Tell me what kind of person is this

underwater camera says:
hey

el@ine- Galvinic Spa and TRA a new approach to life says:
ya?

underwater camera says:
wat u doing ah

el@ine- Galvinic Spa and TRA a new approach to life says:
working and studying

underwater camera says:
ah?
work as wat

el@ine- Galvinic Spa and TRA a new approach to life says:
mlm
underwater camera says:
omg
ahaha
sad case
u need money
dont work this kidn

el@ine- Galvinic Spa and TRA a new approach to life says:
i like this job

underwater camera says:
LOL
how much u earn
sad case leh
i hate this kind

el@ine- Galvinic Spa and TRA a new approach to life says:
that is ut thinking
underwater camera says:
lol
u tell me
how mmuch u earn
selling awt
lame

el@ine- Galvinic Spa and TRA a new approach to life says:
since u so skeptic about it
y i have to waste my time telling u

underwater camera says:
lol
cuz u so enthu
lame leh
i offer u better pay
u go and do this nonsense
siao

el@ine- Galvinic Spa and TRA a new approach to life says:
no thanks

underwater camera says:
siao one leh
u no thanks to me
den u do that nonsense?
lame leh

el@ine- Galvinic Spa and TRA a new approach to life says:
then lame lor

underwater camera says:
nvm oh
gd luck loh
i give u 1 year
see where u go

el@ine- Galvinic Spa and TRA a new approach to life says:
i dun have to prove to u

underwater camera says:
nono
not prove
i wanna laugh
LOL
especialyl because u didnt listen

el@ine- Galvinic Spa and TRA a new approach to life says:
go ahead and laugh
y should i listen to u

underwater camera says:
.. cuz i'm saying the right thing
mlm i all hear b4
i tell u for your own good
leave b4 u do anythign
u dont listen
i sure laugh

el@ine- Galvinic Spa and TRA a new approach to life says:
go ahead

underwater camera says:
yeap
of course

el@ine- Galvinic Spa and TRA a new approach to life says:
I'm laughing too

underwater camera says:
OH?

el@ine- Galvinic Spa and TRA a new approach to life says:
for u being so immature

underwater camera says:
hahaha
me?
how so
pls explain

el@ine- Galvinic Spa and TRA a new approach to life says:
well its my pt of view
u need to listen

underwater camera says:
yea
wait
listen to wat?
u aint even saying anything
furthermore
how's tt immature?
so pls clarify

el@ine- Galvinic Spa and TRA a new approach to life says:
haha
u dun even understand

underwater camera says:
furthermore
u need to listen to
so ironic
u aint listening to wat i'm saying either

el@ine- Galvinic Spa and TRA a new approach to life says:
well y are u replying in such defensive mode

underwater camera says:
pot calling kettle black huh
cuz u called me immature
without substantiation

el@ine- Galvinic Spa and TRA a new approach to life says:
haha

underwater camera says:
so pls.clarify

el@ine- Galvinic Spa and TRA a new approach to life says:
i'm not wasting anytime with u

underwater camera says:
neither am i
u not listening yourself

el@ine- Galvinic Spa and TRA a new approach to life says:
go on

and so it seems it ends….

A series of Unfortunate Events

1) Super stress with exam and project work
2) 3rd sem. result was really bad
3) Last paper i did very badly
4) Rushing project not able to celebrate michie birthday and go animex fair
5) Project very blur, think there's mistake but too late and don't know where went wrong. Just submit.
6) Neighbour tried to mend soccer shoes but accidently drop and the carpet caught fire with thick smoke covering my front door. Neighbour got minor burns and got send to hospital to take injection. Fire brigade and the police came too.
7) Still sick after so long and fever came back
8) Mum sick and MC for 7 days
9) Both of us also went hospital for checkup
10) Deleted a childish guy and jerk who keeps mocking me over the same topic just because i don't wat to let him take photos with weird post. Stupid.

2projects to go,
Awaiting for liberity for school....haha

Things turnning bad

My depression is coming back and suddenly will have atack espically anixety attacks. So tird and restless. Easily feel very lycold. Terrible feeling. Think next time go out must wrap up like penguin and walk. -_-'''

Suddenly keep feeling like dying. Feel like eating everything that i want to eat all the things i like and that my life is coming to an end. I keep praying and seek help but it works only for a while. I can't seem to be strong enough.

I have not found my meaning in life yet. Haiz......

Sunday at michie

Spend the whole morning till evening looking at my RED book trying to study for exam and start doing project but ended up, the book know's me but i don'y know it. Called for SOS but nobody could help mi...sob sob...SOMEONE help...anyone who understands RSV and NDV..

Super stress right now and all i can do is pray for a clear mind to do my projects andunderstand my exam.

Went for Korean BBQ for dinner today.Food so so only....
Poor seating arrangement in the car, ended up pissed off and shouted. Sorry Kris..T.T
After dinner went to michie house to crap and ba gua.I feel very out of place though.

A supper disater

Wanted to go to 7 eleven to buy supper but suddenly lost energy in my leg and just fell down infont of the traffic light. Now i have painful wounds on my fingers and knee. It hurts so much. Everything is swollen.

Been having gastric and stomach flu for 3 weeks plus and still no recovery. Everytime i eat i always want to vomit. So i only have 1 meals per day.

Went to school and they say: "wo shi yi ge rong yi shou shang de nu ren". Haha....so true...internally and externally and even emotionally.

Chelsea and mirror

When chelsea finally saw herself in the mirror. She was totally curious on why is there a dog infront and staring at me. She strted to freak out and do funni actions and the order dog follows. She was so scared that she keeps running away but at the same time curious. So she keeps peeping from an angle that dosen't show her reflection.

I stared at her using the window and out of the sudden, she started backing off and growl, cry and bark at the reflection and run away. So cute.

Bad weather......Bad health

Swine flu symptoms, all i kenna. Feel terrible and even saw 3 different doctors on the same day but end up really cannot make it, breathing dificulties and cramps and hyperventaliation. End up send in to TTSH A&E.

At the clinic was a jab, to calm my nervers down then i became drowsy and numb. I remember the doc was a young male but didn't see how he looked lke caused was already like gonna faint le and eyes were just meekly opened. He kept calling my name and i think i was supposed to answer but too tired. Then he shine light into my eye and i totally closed my eyes. He use his knuckle and applied pressure to my chest the rib-cage area just below the throat. Damm pain sia. I would have shout pain louder if not for the injection.

Later the paramedics came and drove me off to the hospital, head keep spinning and they keep talking to me and check heart rate (150 heard they say it was very fast compared to normal heart rate beating), blood pressure and prick my finger dunno test wat. Just that short journey temp went up from 37.8-37.4-38.1......therefore was sent to the tent area and there had a blood test, urine test and X-ray.

As some may know i hate needles and worst still on that day not only draw blood still have to be on IV drip plus laying on the bed at the tent area with those suspeced case of H1N1 virus. Some got admitted while others got to go back. I was considered lucky to get to go home on that day (from 12am-5am) but the whole test and happening, i was all alone and so afraid of so many things espically when something is stuck up my veins. (T.T)

Went home still sick and till now i still don't feel well. Principle and teacher also notice i never turn up for lesson even though was like for a part time course. Well sat lesson i missed 3 already...principle see mi already say how come i never turn up and everytime see me always take medicaton haha then he disturb mi i kenna swine flu ah then nod my head...immediately he ask mi to go seat at the side..hahaha he is so funni, interacts and make effort to know all students and joke with us. Then my lecturer was like so susprised i actually turned up for lesson (yesterday)......

This whole incident reminds me of the SARS period of which i also got stuck at home and having a whole level to myself to do my O levels chinese paper. The incidents are really super funni. If interested then ask mi then i tell u....hahaha....most of my friends should know though...>.<

2 seperate things

First its house warming followed by desert @ chocolate bar and have fun at ButterFactory. Really enjoy the outing with all my friends and even though was chua's birthday. I thoughly enjoy though forehead got 2 pimple. Luckily subsiding.

Aiming to bu a better camers and a better smile. People only keep say chua pretty and kris cute. The rest of us so left out...sob sob I want to build back confidence.

Praying that my 3rd sem results will go on smoothly. Already kenna a BCC le for the first 3.

Plus so many things is happening around me. I don't know how to react and wat to react. Sometimes just feel like crying and breaking down.

Grandma just came back from hospital. I called for ambulance and gave the details. Then one told me to relax cause i already howing signs of panic. Then the phone keep ringing asking wat happen which hspital and so on and insisting on which hospital to go to. Ringing none stop till i feel stress and cry. End up the paramedic got to calm me down cause i was crying and starting t hyperventilate and the boss of the team and another paramedic had to sort of lift me by the arms to sit on the wheelchair. Grandma got scared me too and we both share the same systoms. Ended up she was hospitalised due to breathing difficulties but discharge le. So happy. Kenna scolded by mum though cause she say cry for what. Cry sure cramp then still cry. I say i stress from all the phone calls but still kenna a light scolding plus make her angry. Haiz.

For my Great grandfather, one time he actualy ask mi to go buy sugar for him to make tea. I was young and playing at the playground. (Very long time ago le) then i found it irrating cause i couldn't play already. Never did i know that that was my first and last timei could help him. He had TB and we staying in hospital to stay with him and ICU and the CDC then back to hospital. He passed away. I didn't cry some did. I stay up at night to help out during the whole funeral. Only when i saw his coffin being pushed into the fire. I cried and couldn't stop. Till now i still keep thinking of him.

I regreted feeling fustrated at him. I should have more tolerance, it happened to my grandma too but she is still young and fine but i don't want history to repeat again. Sometimes i guess ld ppl are quite naggy but in ways they are cute and always there for us. I believe when i grow older i will be worst cause now i'm already naging some people. haha.

Cherish what you have now so that you won't regret when there're gone. Till now i'm still learning to act upon this sentance.

Business Marketing

So many times i feel like giving up having doubts on my ability but something just keeps me going, Seriously i was quite skeptic about MLM but something changed. The company, the people, the culture and espically the product totally changed my opinion.

I believe in the products that it wll help people improve their lives as it is helping me now. There was a time where a kept changing facial products and my facial conditions totally got affected + side effects frm the medications i'm taking.

My mum convinced me back to using Nuskin and in just days, seriously, my pimples and scar marks on my forehead toned down. (Friends should have notice cause they all keep asking what hapen to my foread that time) Well it does't totally remove acne by just using 2 products but just this simple 2 products actually changed my complexion. I am a living example.

However, people are just too skeptic about MLM. They always back away and sometimes condam you from their life. Why does a product that can help the people and the poor end up like this. Losing contacts friends and even stress from loved ones because of a passion for the job.

Different companies have different polices. It was that special thing about the company that i joined. Seriously i don't wish to loose people over jobs. If one would eally even try to know the product more or even go for a free demo, there are no harm done. No obligation to purchase. We just want to let the ublic know that there are such products out there that can help improve ur life.

Advisors have told me not to bring emotional feelings when rejected. Start everyday as a brand new day.

14/05/09

Friend came to pick me up

Heavy traffic and Emas tow truck was moving towards tunnel

Got lost as driver thought he knew the place

Drove me all around until alexandra IKEA

Panic attack = Screamming, shouting, crying and hitting myself

Needed guidance and principl help to get to exmination hall

Late almost for half an hour

No extra time given

Didn't manage to complete the paper even though i knew how to do it

If i were to fail, i hav to waste $ and time

Medical fees already taing up alot of the finance

Plus more stress

The school schedule have a suden change in module

First Sem subject was combined as one even though we studied for 2

Exam layout suddenly changed and too all by susprise

At first some only based on assignment now all must do assignment and exam

Exam paper requires more from student but time was too short to complete

Result outcome = Stress

Trying to change

Life an't getting easy for me. It seems like people around me just can't accept me for who i am. I admit my flaws and i am trying to change my self. To be a better me. A more self-controlled and carefree person. Living life happy regardless of those idiot "sexual predators" around and all the negative things happening around me.

Friends and relatives wants me to return to the old me. The happy go lucky and bubbly and talktive me. Now the kind of me is the kind that wants to just stay in one corner of the room and just stay there not wanting to hear anything and say anything. Just sit and sleep there and never waking up.

I am still entangled by the past and present. Known friends that aren't friends. People keep telling me that my Mr Right have not come along but how will i know. Maybe i should just be alone. Just stay with my pets. Don't need no one. Don't trust no one. You never know when will one backstab you.

To know a guy friend one it seems like they only want sex. One just very straightforward and asked. Where i want to go. I said to plaza singapure. He said i only want to go to Hotel 81 and watch DVD if not don't one. I said no and i won't bother him anymore and he said please don't bother me anymore so i deleted his contact immediately. Y do i always end up meeting these kind of guys that end up hurting me. All i want is to know more friends.

A Question

If someone asked you this question. Will you love mi regardless of my financial status.

How will u answer?

If u love me you will want me to be happy and not stress about finance of the family. I don't ask for much. Just a normal HDB flat and able to pay bills and eat out at times. Is that too much to ask? Is this considered materialistic?

If someone asked you after sometimes in the marriage and he goes broke will u still love him.

How will u answer?

I believe by then we will have some savings and i have a stable job to help go through the tough time but of course u have to stand back on your feet, be realistic and work hard to help in the family. If you just stay where u are and not willing to work, definately it will be too stressful for me to "yang ni" and let people say nasty stuff about u. Can you accept it?


To start a family love and finance is a necessity. How can we choose either one. It can only be weigh on a scale but both must be present.

Is my concept wrong?

Pastor Prince

"I rather be blessed and persecuted, than to be cursed and persecute othes"

Commentor

Don't even dare to make yourself known and yet leave such comments about people whom you don't know just to leash out ur anger. Now i wonder, who is the childish one here. I dare to blog i dare to accept comments cause it ain't true. Just want to let the world know that there are such a person out there like you and how much disgrace you brought to yourself. Pity.

You argue that me having this age of barely 22 have 8 ex totally shows that it's my fault in the relationship. So i guess you aren't that popular in relationship and have never got that chance. Plus definately you are a guy that can't take other people's point of view and always want to be right.

You say what era am i in to have 8 ex at suh a age. I wonder what era you are in then. Oh ya. You can phrase your words so well i guess u shouldn't be that stupid to be unable to ead in between the lines of people's blog ba.

Admendments

8 relationships. Is actually 4. The other 4 was crushes but i felt it was a relationship to me. So judge me for what you want cause i don't care. People who really know me knows the truth. If you feel good to write things like these by all means. As long people believe in and trust me is all that is needed.

I will submit to No-one

I wasn't like this before but something made me change and i can neverhange back again. No one have one through what i've gone though and no one knows what i truely feel not even myself. I just try to hide and hide and sometimes it just pops out like a jack in the box. I am brought up to not depend on men. Men in my family cannot be trusted and had hurt me and my mother and grandmother. Its enough. Just let us go.

Everytme i get into a relationship, i warn ppl about my character and they all say they can take it. Tell me how much they love me and no matter what they will still love me. All are rubbish. 8 relationships all failures.

I admit that i am:
- tempremental (easily gets agitated and flares up but cools downs easily)
- lazy - weak in health
- still hanging on the fears of the past
- loud
- crazy
- daring ( in a sense of speech)

and many more......If you cannot accept the worst of me then u are not worthy to accept the best from me. I will submit to no-one.

Don't provoke me and don't even think about trying to take advantage of me. I have had it. Don't make me turn into a wandering spirit and dun make me unfilial to my mother.

Malaysia Trip

Went to malaysia a few time over the month and got really great deals for my gothic collections. In singapore, a gothic bag, pair or high flat heel boots and a gothic top, i think it would have simply cost me around $300-$400. But i got them at S$150. Best still. I even got a membership card from that shop. First time ever a membership card from overseas....haha...hmmmm.....well malaysia cross border le consider overseas lar...haha

Just moved over to hougang but renovations still not done yet. haiz. Not used to the environment here. Have been staying at serangoon for so long and now....i guess i just have to try to adapt as fast as i can ba...

Relationship wise, i kinda feel so hurt. Why is he always so rash and hurtful. Aren't guys older suppose to be more mature? All i want is for that someone to take care and look after me and protect me. Not the other way around. Is it really in my family blood that the women are usually much fiercer and dominant over deciding issues? I really don't know. So confused.

My pets

Mao Mao = Handsome, adorable, Eat and Sleep (thinking that he can run away from me by
running on the wheel)...

Kuromi = Fast, growing bigger and fatter, violent ( all the scratches), smart...

Chelsea = Doorbell, Jealously, hyperactive at home but timid outside, acting pittiful when he
does something wrong, attention seeking...

I placed Mao Mao's (Long haired syrian hamster) cage beside Kuromi's (Dawf Rabbit) cage and this is what happened:

Mao Mao: What is this big black thing looking at mi. (So he hides, sleep and eat at the end of the
other side of the cage)

Kuromi: What is this small golden and hairy creature infornt of mi...hmm....so curious (So she
stays stil at the corner of the cage looking at Mao Mao making him scared)

Now Kuromi, Mao Mao and Chelsea:

Kuromi and Chelsea = Fight + Run + Toy (of course i protect Kuromi)

Mao Mao and Chelsea = Toy (of course i protect Mao Mao)

Mao Mao and Kuromi = Jealously (later then attend to Chelsea)

Now Kuromi, Mao Mao, Chelsea and me = bites, kisses and scratches (with blood visible and
wound swollen)

But I love them all.

So many things happening

So many things happened to me. I really don't know what to do or what should I do anymore. Some are already in the past but some is still ongoing. Something is wrong with me. I don't know why thoughts and temper keep changing. It seems bad. Is like i want something but yet i don't want something. Anyway just confused.

Went to watch the Korean Breakout Dance comedy at th esplanade. Its beyond any words of praise i can say. The music, the breakdancing, popping, beatboxing, hiphop, sound and visual effects and so on....the entire concert was worth watching. Mi screamming and clapping with some entu ppl around but i think the ppl on my side all quite shy and must be thinking i'm crazy but they deserve my cheers for that performance. Too bad ah girl not there to watch...he will love it.

Went back for class already stress, then i saw ppl that were suppose to grad came back to attend class and they said this subject 1/2 the cohort failed. Wahhhhh....additional stress sia. Just hope that everything will move on smoothly.

The recent animes that i watch all ended with sad endings and i cried. Why all sad endings? Really wanna see ppl happy even though they are just imaginary.

Class Starts and confused

Attended class today but everyone seem to still be in holiday mood. I somehow have no impressions on the previous lesson. Only one week and my memory is failing mi. Haiz.

Things that needs to remember, i'll tend to forget. As for things i should not remember or think of, it lingers in the mind. Human mind is just so questionable.

Its so easy to fall in love but yet so hard to maintain it well. Its not like machineries or buildings where there is a systematic approach, love is so much complicated or am i making it complicated. I don't know. I have my fears and time to time it triggers. Sometimes it even gets out of control where i feel like dying and ending all. I keep asking myself, will i be able to live to see the 2nd arrival of lord jesus christ. How would it be like.

New Creation church

One day, one guy asked this question:

"Why did God made women so beautiful and yet so stupid?"

His wife heard it and said, I know the answer,

"God made us beautiful so that YOU will marry me and God made me stupid so that i will marry YOU."

Stand up and position yourself lke a cross. People often look southwards, eastwards, westwards. All the things that are surrounding us, but what we should actually do is look northwards; look up, to God and recieve his blesings.

People often say, to catch a man, u have to catch him by the stomach, but what if the women is not a very good cook (for example me)? Well not to worry. There is one other secret weapon and that is to RESPECT ur partner. During conversations, bring it to a tone where it is not demanding but negotiable.

Do unto people on what you want people to do upon you. You need to respect others before people can respect you. - Elaine's motto

Losing my self concious

I feel so lost, so emotional, so negative. I don't know whats happening to mi. I feel like crying, screaming and even dying. Its so terrible. I don't know who i am anymore nor what i really want. I don't want to turn my back on the lord. All in my mind now is to take medication. So many times i over dosage myself a little but nothing happens. Over dosage of medication seems to be a rather nicer and beautiful way to die compared to the others but i don't want to be a lost spirit after i die or judged and sentenance to the pit of hell. I just wish and pray for the 2nd revelation to arrive and that i may be there to see it.

Sob Sob

2nd day of CNY and i got sick. Diarrhea in total around 15 times within 2 days. Had to go for a jab and take medication. Total no strength and miss out on so many new year goodies and fav food plus outings.

Do not know why but recently i just feel that the mood swings come and goes so often. What went wrong or what is going on with me. I am trying to control but it ain't easy. I really want to change for the better.

In addition, i just recieved my Sem 1 results. Kinda dissapointed. I was so confident and so hoping that by scoring well for the first sem can help to balance up the future sem which are getting more difficult to score. All i know is that i tried my very best and still for both subject, i only managed to score a "B". Now i fear so much for my Sem 2 results of which i do not have much confident. I just want to graduate and find a job according to my interest and have a good ncome to help upport my family. (T.T)

Shock and tired

Today i don't know why but i feel so tired. So restless. When i woke up, i saw one black things hopping across the ouside of my parents bedroom. Kuromi actually manage to climb out of the tank and expierence freedom for that little while.

Brought grandma to TTSH for her medical check-up and also clara cause no one send her to sch so she had a day off from sch. She seems weird cause she is less hyperactive but still likes to laugh out loud and giggle alot. Too loud for the hospital. Haha, so funny. After that went for lunch and head home to rest.

Took kuromi out and let her roam around the house and chelsea also. They seem fine in the beginning but suddenly chelsea was chasing kuromi around and kuromi actually can run faster then chelsea. Amazing. Kuromi then desided to hide in a small corner where Chelsea can't reach her. So smart of her. I immediately ran after them and took Kuromi into my arms and chase Chelsea back to the kitchen. I calm Kuromi by letting her lay in my arms and she lick my arms. So adorable. I will never let hem be together ever again. For safety reasons. Chelsea really gets jealous easily. Haha.

Busy weeks ahead. Haiz...pray for a smooth journey.

New Creation church

Went to new creation church today with deroy and his friends. The service is so much difference from a catholic service. After the service, i decided to go to the prayer room and seek help. I felt fear and uneasy...gradually i opened up and talked but cried and cried till pastor Darren have to come in to preach for me. The lady who talked and prayed fo me before pastor darren, i liked her....not in that kind of light, she let me cry in her arms and i felt so loved and comfortable. Thank you so much.

Today, D3 look so different. Though his clothing fashion has a little problem but most importantly is his character. Seriously someone needs to be with himwhen he goes shopping. It seems so hard for him to come with a decision...haha be it food or things.

So sorry D3, don't know why but recently am starting to have major mood swings that i don't know where or why i react this way. I really didn't mean it. You are precious and all worthwhile in my heart. Thank you for giving in to me, enduring mi, understanding me an trying to say lame jokes to cheer me up..and when i say lame, its really LAME and COLD (>.<) Still i love you. Try to train up ok. No needto be like 2003-04 that year but at least something that make you look strong and healthy. I may not be able to adapt to your lifestyle but i will try my very best.

Can i don't be the woman behind a successful mn's back but the women beside the sucessful man. Please do things with consideratios for the future k. Let go, let GOD, recieve Jesus but still work for the prosperous future u seek. For all your loved ones. Most importantly, mst remember to communicate with us k. Communication is the to solutions.

Today also managed to take a photo with Carebe (he is so adorable), he is always so fierce but never attaks and i got snap again by Bebe, they still don'treally know me but they treat some family membes also the same with growls and flashing their sharp teeth. Ifnot they just simple ignore you. Next time sure take more photos with them.

New family member

Today a new family member added to my family. Chelsea my JRT, Mao Mao my syrian hamster and the newest of all...Kuromi my drawf rabbit (Still not sure male or female but is fully black with a white snowy nose....no longer "bai tu" is "hei tu" le..hahaha). Kuromi was love at first sight for both mum and me. She actually asked me to buy kuromi....so shocked..she never offered to by a pet for mi...this is the first time an i'm really shocked. She just wants me to be happy i guess.

Haiz...so worried for my finance. I feel so willing to spend on my pets and restrict from shopping so much le. Really love them alot. Really pray to get a job that is related to my course of study and a good pay. Don't ask for much, something to live average on with.

Secondly very worried for my friend, she is so stress and i worry for her. I don't want her to fall into depression like me. Its not easy and its an extra burden. So try to relax k.

Finally recovered

Woah...finally recovered after so long from the cough and all. Can finally snack on stuffs and drink cold and chilling water le. Yippee....

Thank you to those for showing concern to me about everything. I really apreciate it and i will try my best to recover from my depression. Thank you for the care and support.

Gal, please dun keep everything to yourself, must open up k. We all care for you, don't dwell by yourself, we all worry for you and will stand by your side k.

New Mp4

Weeeeee.....finally got a new Mp4 after so long and really it's cool, slim and light. Sony walkman sound system is really good. Price is also very reasonable for a 8G player. Music, picture, radio and songs...just all i need.

Still having some problems with my depression but i don't want to let my doc and mum know. Don't want to spend so much money and worry my mum but sometimes i just can't control. Haiz. All i can do is just cry and cry all my heart out and sleep, forgetting about it the next day. Always happens when I'm in crowded area, i want to be home cause it seems so stressed. Then when i'm home alone, i feel scared and lonely and i cry too. What should i do.....

Today taught the little girl, she just try to take things from my bag again, refuse to do homework, walk on the table in front of me, stepping on all her assessment books and crossing over my drinking water. The brother scrap ice from the freezer and threw at me, anyhow scribble on her assessment book and took my stuffs and place it in the sister's bag. Haiz i really give up le. What to do.

New Term

Term 3 is so not easy. Very stressed out with it cause no matter what the teacher say, i just can't seem to get it. Our textbooks are on UK context and he decided to teach Singapore context. However all assignments and exam are of UK context. Haiz...i just pray that i will slowly get to understand in the subsequent lessons ba.

What happen to all the people surrounding me? Where did they go. I feel so left out again, by my friends and family. Everyone have their life i understand but i just don't like the feeling of being loney. However neither do i want strange guys to approach me so *sosh* leave me alone if u are a strange guy.

I guess once we grow up, things change, life changes. People and friends have their own issues and things to settle, but doesn't friendship mean anything? Am i such a lousy person? Being condammed and nicknamed for so many things.

Sometimes i just feel like breaking down and cry out of the sudden. I feel so cramp up within myself, sometimes it seems so hard to breathe. I fear for my thoughts whenever it comes. Still learning to overcome so many things in life and spirit.

Praise to the Lord

God i thank you for all that you have given me. I recieve everything with thanks. Thank you for giving me a blessed life partner who understands my condition and love me whole heartedly, always there to protect me and explain your blessings to me. Thank you for answering my prayers. He is everything i wish for.

I'm really sorry that i have been so selfish. I know they care for me and wish to give me happiness but still i have choosen not to hurt them by not going into a loveless relationship.

Did i do wrong? If i had accepted them, i will not be happy and in the end both parties will not be happy. I don't want to hurt them in anyway thats y i did not accept them. This way the depth of pain will not be so deep. Isn't it best that way?

I did not lie. Yes i said before that i don't want a bf yet but i met him and emotions just flowed naturally. I know that they feel hurt cause i did not accept them but do i deserve to feel pain and guilty for their sadness?

I want to move on and fight for my own happiness. Everyone should do that. My pyschiarist said i have made improvements in my illness and this happiness came from this new relationship that i share. If "you" really treat me as a friend, please give me your support and blessings as i pay for you to find ur true happiness too.

So happy

It have been such a long time i ever felt so happy in my life and about anything. Thank you so much. The happiness is so over whelming that i don't know how to explain in words. Thank you so much for being there for mie and supporting me. Really apperciate it. ^^,

Came across this news, so sweet and interesting and shocking:


Two German children, six and seven, elope for Africa

Two childhood sweethearts, aged six and seven, eloped from Hanover in northern Germany on New Year's Eve, determined to tie the knot under the African sun, police said Monday.

The pair identified as Mika and Anna-Lena "are very much in love and decided to get married in Africa where it is warm, taking with them as a witness Anna-Lena's little sister, aged five," police spokesman Holger Jureczko told AFP.

The idea for the romantic trip began when Mika told the two girls about his recent holiday in Italy, while their families celebrated New Year's Eve together. "From this, the children began to make plans for the future," Jureczko said.

As the first dawn of 2009 broke, the trio started to put these plans into action, packing all the essentials for the journey, including "sunglasses, swimming trunks, a lilo, summer clothes and provisions."

While their parents slept, they left their house in the suburbs of Hanover, walked a kilometre (two-thirds of a mile) up the road to a tram stop from where they took a tram for the central station.

Waiting for a train to the airport, they aroused the attention of a guard who contacted police.
Two officers managed to convince the young lovers that they would struggle to get to Africa without money or a plane ticket.

As a consolation, the children were given a special tour of the police headquarters at Hanover station where they were especially taken with the detention cells.

Their relieved parents picked them up from the station, the spokesman said, adding: "They can still put their plan into action at a later date."

Depend on oneself and not on others

Still coughing and suffereing from cramps don't feel like eating too, feel as though i can't breathe properly. Like my body is not absorbing the oxygen even when i'm breathing...Don't really have the time to rest properly. Already visited the doc 4 times and cominf 2 times to my psy.

Everyone around mi all getting sick and it seems we are all hit with the same illness cause the medicine we are all getting are all the same. Friends and relative all down with virus.

I seriously can't believe anyone anymore. I feel too hurt to even bother or think what others think. I simply give up. I dun want to get hurt anymore and so i just want to depend on myself and no one else. I guess its gonna be difficult to convince me to trust again. So many things happened, irrating me, lying to me and so many more. I can't understand what this world have gotten into.